Thursday, February 25, 2016

Nothing Ventured/Nothing Gained

I am an introvert. I generally hang back like the does in a herd of deer. I survey the territory and gather information. My father, the pilot, often did the same. But he was able to access all possible outcomes in split seconds. Then again it took him almost a year of research to buy the perfect home stereo systems (components). We were not the first in our neighborhood to have a color TV but we had the best. Eventually. I like to think, from time to time, of how much fun he would have in this technological age. I wish I could channel him.

He was an introvert too. And one who could pretend to be an extrovert. I copied that. He was the one who told me social events were like acting. But more exhausting I think because there is no script and no applause at the end to refresh your energy. That exhaustion was one of the reasons I gave up art fairs. I tell myself it was the heavy lifting. The put up and take down.

But putting up was always fun. Taking down a contest to see how quickly I could be gone. But in reality it was what was in between which wore me out and got me down. And it never mattered how successful a show was I always remembered the woman who loudly proclaimed, "my granddaughter does better paintings."

So one day I just stopped. Sold all my fancy fair furniture, and hung my paintings in my studio. Then stopped painting. For more than two years I did not paint. I had always liked life behind a camera and so that was where I went. Eventually entering photography exhibits to keep my sister company.

I did go back to painting but I am still involved with digital art. I am not the photographer who wants to be able to count the feathers on the wing of an eagle. I like photos which look like paintings. 

Getting out of fairs was a risk but it seemed to be at the right time economically. And I always said I was not going back. But just this week I filled out an mailed in an application for a local fair. Not doing the whole fair thing though. Sharing a booth so I can take breaks from the meet and greet. I am doing it to support the art community here. And for the advertising for my studio. And to see some of my old fair buddies. But frankly I like life in my studio, and entering exhibits I do not have to attend beyond the reception. Or one woman gallery shows. I like those too. All within limits.

I am an introvert.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Hello Again

I took some time off from this blog. I took some time off from several "obligations" in an effort to get a handle on my blood pressure. December 23rd was a surprise for me. I awoke knowing I did not feel well, but typical for me not in the way most people with a high BP feel bad. No headache. Just didn't feel right in my head.

It was in the midst of a tourist event. Calling 911 revealed it would be a while before emergency services could get to me. So I said I would drive to the local clinic. I promised the dispatcher I would pull over and call again if I felt even a bit dizzy. Oddly I didn't. Fourteen years before almost to the day (Christmas eve) I had suffered a closed brain trauma and some of the residual effects include a bit of dizziness or unbalance from time to time. This did feel a bit like it felt 48 hours after my ski accident. No double vision but disoriented. Fuzzy brained. Scared me.

The local clinic was on short staff. It was a couple days before Christmas but the nurse on duty took my BP which was 223/93. She suggested I find a friend to drive me to urgent care. It was Christmas tourist season at the ski area and she thought that would be faster than an ambulance or the ER in Taos which is where they would deliver me. When Polly got me to Urgent care my BP was still 212/93. They did a lot of routine tests to eliminate the obvious like a heart attack. Didn't make my BP go down at all. It was two in the afternoon by the time Walgreens filled the script. My first senior management long term prescription. All this after a thorough physical in October. Lunch with Polly was about mourning the end of my youth.

In my last blog I wrote about the stress which I am working at managing. I figure it is the key to BP issues. It and DNA. Dad, my sister, and now me. So conscious living was called for. And I have been doing that. I decided blogging is good for my soul. Good to reduce stress. And as my exhusband would have said, better than shooting someone. Though I think shooting a couple people would really help my stress level.

I have been doing well on the meds so I went to a meeting about broadband connection in our rural area. You know how sporting events have an ambulance outside in case of an injury. I think this meeting needed a couple for the attendees. I would dare say the older crowd would mean most were on at least one senior med or two. And most stuffing their emotions. I practiced deep breathing.

All the part time homeowners and time share people are upset they have not been connected to the boardband yet. It is a grant to give full time residents in rural areas connection to faster internet speeds at lower prices to stay connected to the world without paying DirecTV half your monthly salary.  We don't even have radio or TV without satellite. I live in that area. And I run a small business. And I am not connected because I have not screamed as loud. Communication has been an issue for a program which was to solve communication issues.

It was nice to have a face to face with those installing the broadband and doing the hook ups. It was nice to know that because of the grant us full time residents with limited access are to be given priority. When we are fully booked with tourists it is not just the paramedics you cannot get. You have virtually no internet and limited cellphone. All of which we pay through the nose for. I took my BP when I got home. It was within acceptable parameters. So I was able to enjoy watching Thicke try on his new boxes.

But posting this blog and the two I did yesterday on my business blog is taking a really long time because it is a big skiing weekend and the internet is creepy. Come on broadband. Relieve my stress.