Nothing Ventured/Nothing Gained

I am an introvert. I generally hang back like the does in a herd of deer. I survey the territory and gather information. My father, the pilot, often did the same. But he was able to access all possible outcomes in split seconds. Then again it took him almost a year of research to buy the perfect home stereo systems (components). We were not the first in our neighborhood to have a color TV but we had the best. Eventually. I like to think, from time to time, of how much fun he would have in this technological age. I wish I could channel him.

He was an introvert too. And one who could pretend to be an extrovert. I copied that. He was the one who told me social events were like acting. But more exhausting I think because there is no script and no applause at the end to refresh your energy. That exhaustion was one of the reasons I gave up art fairs. I tell myself it was the heavy lifting. The put up and take down.

But putting up was always fun. Taking down a contest to see how quickly I could be gone. But in reality it was what was in between which wore me out and got me down. And it never mattered how successful a show was I always remembered the woman who loudly proclaimed, "my granddaughter does better paintings."

So one day I just stopped. Sold all my fancy fair furniture, and hung my paintings in my studio. Then stopped painting. For more than two years I did not paint. I had always liked life behind a camera and so that was where I went. Eventually entering photography exhibits to keep my sister company.

I did go back to painting but I am still involved with digital art. I am not the photographer who wants to be able to count the feathers on the wing of an eagle. I like photos which look like paintings. 

Getting out of fairs was a risk but it seemed to be at the right time economically. And I always said I was not going back. But just this week I filled out an mailed in an application for a local fair. Not doing the whole fair thing though. Sharing a booth so I can take breaks from the meet and greet. I am doing it to support the art community here. And for the advertising for my studio. And to see some of my old fair buddies. But frankly I like life in my studio, and entering exhibits I do not have to attend beyond the reception. Or one woman gallery shows. I like those too. All within limits.

I am an introvert.