Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Farewell and Good Riddance 2016


Seems like all the idols of my generation died in 2016. I begin to see it as a hint it is time to depart myself. And I must not be the only one thinking along those lines because social media seems rampant with suicide hot line telephone numbers everyone is suppose to copy and post. I keep wondering why it is sharing isn't good enough. And why would I want to be talked out of it. What is the plus side of hanging around.

I am not, in my opinion, suicidal but I have never been totally opposed to it. Maybe it is my theatrical experience. Know when to make an exit. Or my generations battle cry of live hard, die young and leave a beautiful corpse, but it is too late for that. Or maybe it is simply if I am to hang around for a while in the cosmic consciousness awaiting my next earth experience those who have passed on seem like a really good group to be part of. I do not think along the same lines of those left in charge of the world.

Admittedly I felt like this in the days of Don McLean and Bye Bye Miss America Pie.  But I had so much more energy in my youth. I don't know if I have the heart to fight for civil rights or women's rights or against the mining interests to save the National Parks. I don't have the drive to join the Monkey Wrench Gang again. Or even march with candles to the White House to end the War in Vietnam.

And maybe it is because we all got so comfortable with what we had achieved we never considered it could be taken away from us. But I remember telling a doctor who I was petitioning for a tubal ligation that I never wanted to bring children into this world because I didn't figure it would last that long. At least not a world I would want to pass on to anyone. The doctor's wife was a leader in trying to get the ERA passed. We were at that time, 40 some years ago, just one state away from ratification.

Now I have to face the fact I will have been born, lived, and likely will die as a second class citizen in a less than stellar country. I just find it all so depressing. I want to apologize to all diverse friends. And to my late mother to whom I promised I would not let them take our right to choose away.

But even in the worst of times I keep putting one foot in front of the other. Dad's survival training wins out. And there is the custom of blaming it on a bad year like a wine vintage. Really cannot wait for this year to be over.

4 comments:

  1. Sweet friend, I echo your sentiments completely. I've not been able to shake the grief, shock and general malaise that has come over me like a black cloud since the election, but which started months before ~ nightmares of mazes, loss of secure feeling, fear that the world truly IS that unpredictable and scary. Now we know it's true. I want to bid goodbye to this year, too. The very worst of history is repeating itself and I, too, am tired. I will fight on my own fronts, for those who are closest to me. But, I can't promise more than that. I HATE feeling this disillusionment and sadness. But, how can one muster the fires of strength to fight against powers that are so far beyond those of us who are normal, kind, hopeful and decent? It's been a very bumpy time for me these last weeks. I hope I can find my spark again. But, damn. I just don't know.

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    1. I hope we can both get our hope and energy back. Tired of being told to get over it. I think the only way is thru it. Like swimming in mud.

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  2. It is not quite as dark in Canada, YET. But indeed, this is one heck of a challenging time. It is OK if you feel burnt out and not ready to fight old battles again. Your beautiful art infuses needed soul into the world. Your simple, self sufficient but satisfying lifestyle shows people a path forward. Just focus on your life, old warrior.

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    1. Thank you, dear friend, for your kinds words.

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