|Distant Promise by J. Binford-Bell|
Supposedly for a good black and white landscape you need a noisy sky. I feel as if my life this winter and spring has been a noisy sky. So much going on around me. Some things I have written about like the tenant situation and some not. Some things I have actually not been aware of myself. It is like not noticing the clouds until a dark one shuts out the sun. And some nagging little things I ignore because to acknowledge them might give them power. Denial is a God given survival skill after all.
The bad tenants and the things I had to do in order to rent the apartment to get a good tenant of course caused financial issues. And it takes a while to catch up once you get behind. And that of course causes stress.
And then some years back I committed support to my neighbor when her husband was diagnosed with a fatal cancer. At the time I made that commitment she and I figured months. It has been years. Not all of them critical. But since Good Friday his health has taken a downward spiral and his post traumatic stress has made him very difficult to live with and he refuses to believe he is dying so she cannot get hospice help. Caregivers sometimes die of the stress they are under. Sometimes they die before the person receiving care. I am not sure what the stats are for people caring for the caregivers but suffice it to say it ups the stress.
I carry my stress in my neck and shoulders. Not good since the CBT and neck injury. And I have a high pain threshold so I get along entirely too long with denial. To distract myself from recognizing the pain I eat. Standing before the mirror Wednesday after my bath and before taking off to Raton it hit me how much I have been eating. And in the early part of my Road to Raton meditation I put it all together. In Raton I bought more of my favorite and most effective over the counter pain reliever and began taking the minimum dose. And away went my nagging hunger. Movement is easier and the thought of exercise now seems less like torture.
Less pain and less stress. If I can get back into yoga it will mean all the less stress. Hopefully the noisy skies in my life will follow suit and quiet down.