Monday, January 13, 2014

Time Moves On

Time by J. Binford-Bell

The last few days have been most interesting. Nothing monumental by itself but memorable taken together. It was all a bit too much for a status message on Facebook (they once limited them to 400 characters) but perhaps not enough for a blog. But here I am anyway trying to unmuddle my feelings.

I move through my life often like those around me thinking it is a stream which goes from birth to death, and then like an Ohio leaf caught in an eddy on the lower Mississippi life just begins going in ever widening circles and back to the center of the whirl just missing the current. And suddenly you are speeding downstream again.

The eddy which is winter has caught me against the shore. I have painted and blogged and put one foot before another and then yesterday began with a couple friend requests on Facebook. One was my ex-brother-in-law. Kevin is Marc's brother. None of Marc's relatives, once related to me by marriage, contacted me when he died. What I knew of them ended with Marc's death. Since Marc and I had remained good friends after the divorce I was current with their lives. And then it was as if I was to blame. He wasn't even in mine as he died. Wife one had become wife three within weeks of my departure as wife two. It felt strange to respond to Kevin's friend request but I did in the positive.

Kevin's friend request might not have even merited a remark but I had just the day before gotten a letter from another ex-in-law from another marriage. Ann and I have remained friends decades past me leaving Bruce, who was the sister of her in law, the wife of her brother. She keeps me current on all the family I was once a part of at least on a yearly basis. That card arrived on the same day as the one from Sue, an ex-stepdaughter of the same extended connections. For a single person who never had kids is sometimes amazes me how large my "extended" family is. Sue's sister, Kris, died some years back and I can still cry over that.

And then my sister informs me her ex-husband, father of her two grown children is on a ventilator in Dallas fighting for his life - or is it his death - against the H1N1 virus. Texas has been the center of this deadly flu. Twenty-five people have died from it as of January 6th in Texas. Debbie expects George will be added to that list. All of which reminds me of the seven weeks our dad spent on a ventilator in Kansas City before his death. Debbie was still married to George then. Marybeth and Patrick where babies. My niece and nephew have some tough decisions ahead.

It seems, when I think about it, I have been in attendance of entirely too many tough decisions in my life. The living should not be punished because they remind me of the dead. Time to at last send Sue that late Christmas card, maybe plan that trip back to Kansas and Missouri to see Ann, and my one remaining cousin I would like to see - the one that calls me when there is another death in my late mother's extended family.

You cannot hide out forever in eddies even in drought plagued New Mexico.

Anyone know why these things always seem to come in bunches? Queuing theory?

3 comments:

  1. Certainly the queuing theory - I've experienced it enough to know it. All those "concidences" are definitely nudging you to take action.

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  2. Hello my dear, I got a heavy feeling of being weighed down while reading your post. Your queuing theory: I looks to me like your life has been going in circles with the families. Me thinks you need to break the circle for it to stop. By that, I mean, do something positive to change it. For instance the one who only contacts you when there is a death, you need to end that connection as you do not need the negativity she is sending to you. That is part of the heavy load. People come into our lives for a reason. When we have learnt what we needed to from each other it is time to move on. I picked a lot of negative energy in your post hunny bun; time to get rid of it and lighten your load. Terry is right about you taking action too. By the way, I have been taught that there is no such thing as coincidence.
    I hope I have been helpful and not peeved you off. Sometimes one comes across those that just don't want to know or understand what is actually happening.
    With love. xx

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