Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Tuesday Chat over Coffee

A friend and I seem to be at each other's throats lately. Not really that strange for our long term relationship. She gets entirely to myopic at times (maybe even narcissistic) and I get intolerant of some of her behaviors.

Add to this her changing her plans totally and leaving for the winter before summer is over which throws a total monkey wrench in my plans, and, the worst, her playing professional widow. The first makes her even more narcissistic and the second seems to giver her permission to baby talk to every man in the universe.

I have a few pet peeves which I seem to be unable to erase. One of them is baby talking females around men. My ex-husband once invited an old friend to stay a week at our house when we were still married. She could speak nothing but baby talk when Marc was around. They decided she would stay two weeks and I got her a reservation at a hotel in the next town at the end of four days. Now I just get up and walk away. I have even driven away if it is extended like at the mechanic's yesterday.

Another of my pet peeves is dieting friends that make every single conversation about how much they have lost and how much I would lose if I just followed their dieting plan. Usually said at length when pushing of the remainder of their desert across the table toward me. Great way to get me to stop accepting lunch engagements. And I hate it when a friend lifts their blouse and shows how loose their jeans are. Even in restaurants and clothing stores.

Do not tell me to talk to her about these things because I have. And she always turns it around to my problem and certainly not hers. And I am being unreasonably cruel to even bring it up. I am absolutely failing at mastering Zen which she has as my teacher. l personally find all the above just so totally embarrassing if it takes place in public. At the same time I am rather worried about her. Maybe it is more than just the second year of widowhood.

Maybe it is Alzheimer's unset. She never seems to hear what I say or she forgets it way too fast. That can be a symptom of narcissism too.

She is trying to declutter her life so she can sell her house. Never said neutrally but always including I should do the same. She thinks I should move to Florida with her. I have not kept track of how many times I have told her I cannot even visit that state. Then she offers things she wants to get rid of to me. Not bad in some cases. But she never hears no on the move to Florida or the junk. One person's junk is not necessarily my treasure. Especially when things are offered as if I am the pour white trash living in the shed out back.

I have examined whether I am being overly sensitive. She says her tone is always neutral. Oh, but not her expression or where she is staring like my belly when she talks about how much she has lost. I think I am not overly sensitive until she mentions things three times like diet, decluttering, or schedule I have remembered and she forgot, etc.

Yesterday it was how slowly the painting of trim is gone on her house. I am getting paid but it has also rained. You cannot even scrape and sand when wood is wet. I have explained this so much I feel like a broken record. Then my tone isn't neutral. My intolerance shows.

We can have great times together but last week and this has not been even tolerable.


  1. crazy making stuff. a break is in order. sometimes we outgrow our friends...

  2. This is one toxic relationship and the only person being poisoned is you. People feel they can do and say all sorts of things in the name of friendship which is so unacceptable. I think the more distance put between the two of you sooner rather than later, would be a good thing even if her move puts a spanner in the works. She clearly disturbs you and you need to be free of her negative comments, her cast offs and her ability to try to make you feel bad because she is recently widowed.

    As far as the baby talk is concerned - ugh, I cannot stand women who do that - it's rather like regressing into childhood when one is determined to please or get something out of Daddy. As an adult it's nothing more than a breathy sexual 'come 'on'. How terribly unsophisticated.

  3. I agree with Terry. She is not that much of a friend is she.


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