Sunday, August 16, 2015

Upon Reflection



My friends, who have weathered the storm, have taken to calling my split with long time friend and neighbor as the divorce. In the beginning I protested. But, upon reflection, I can see what their reasoning is. But this blog is about life after divorce. Or as I would put it -- re-entering society. Never easy for an introvert, be it entering or re-entering.

Life has gone on, as every divorcee discovers, without my participation. There is a lot of catching up to do. I am way behind on conclusions others have made about several other mutual friends. Maybe this stage of life is prone to having breakups with long term relationships. We could form our own support group. Since others have been on the same path I find the general population was already trained to not ask about the missing friend, who was previously attached at the hip. Well, mostly everyone.

At a dinner with friends in Taos, owner of the restaurant where we dined, asked where our once mutual friend was. She didn't comprehend the still-looking-at-menu, "haven't seen her," reply. Or the quick change of subject. Some people are just not satisfied with the polite response. There is a reason Donald Trump gets away with his off the wall behavior. He has an established base.

But Dad had been an officer and a gentleman, and mother raised me to be a lady. That may not always show when I dash into the hardware store in sweats to get a plumbing part I need. But even if there is drain water all over the kitchen floor I try to be polite and say please and thank you and wait my turn.

I recently watched a plumber replace a toilet without a spill. I really watched him quite closely. The not spilling has to be why they earn the big bucks. And it really seems to be simple. It is about patience and process, and attention to detail. So are divorces and breakups and shakeups in organizations. Nothing like your youth when you threw things and broke windows. And in my case tried to put hexes on the offending party.

One of the first things I noticed as a tried to slip back into old friendships and organizations is change was everywhere like a breeze shivering the surface of a quiet pond. I know it isn't my place to pry so I just listen, try to politely answer questions put to me. And, this is the wonderful part, be hugged and welcomed back.

I cannot help but remember the Hundredth Monkey Effect be it myth or reality. Maybe it is critical mass or a paradigm shift. I thought I was outside but maybe not. Perhaps it doesn't matter where you are in the troupe of monkeys. There is a lot of energy in shift and change. Hold on. We may be in for a bumpy ride.

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