Reached My Limit

Bird Painting Practice

 When things get totally dark I want to go into hiding. I hide in books, and movies, and gardens, and creating. I embrace words, and inks, and plants, and redesigning my house. Things which do not disappoint me.

 Yesterday I binged the Travelers on Netflix. Before streaming I would binge read. Just outside my bedroom door was a spot of carpet right in front of the wall heater. I would sit in what Dad called my frog position and read from morning to night; from Friday after school until Monday morning when I was told I had to go back to the classroom. And once at school I would sketch characters of the book along the margins of my notebook. 

 Such behavior got me notes about not using time wisely or not paying attention in class or would achieve more if she applied herself to the task. They just never totally understood my task to which I applied myself very well. It was ignoring the reality of their moment.

 When life got too stressful I just sought other realities. I am great at dismissing time, space, context, and people if they do not meet my expectations. I totally got Alice in Through the Looking Glass when I first read it at 10. I won't admit to how many times I have read it since. In truth I have lost count. I caught my step-daughter reading a book once I am sure she read before.

 "Why are you re-reading it, Kris," I asked.

 "Because the people in it are old friends," she answered.

 "I have books like that," I admitted.

 And television series. After binge watching Travelers I watched the Best of Agatha Christie on Acorn. I watch again and again Midsommer Murders, Longmire, and Sherlock Holmes (any version) because my friends in those behave as I believe people should.

 And being a runs with scissors sort of person while watching these escapes to a reality I wish existed I knit, or paint, or draw remodel plans, or fidget with my plants. I have gotten a lot done this week ignoring the world outside my walls. There are the note cards as just example one. And the orchids are all preparing to bloom. And I think I have the shower addition to the half bath designed in my head. Time to put it to paper.

 So in answer to Mrs. Hill's note that I would achieve more if I applied myself to the task let me say I achieve a lot. But they are my tasks. Not hers. Age has given me the wisdom to know when I have reached my limit on the world for a while. If I retire to my old friends soon enough I can emerge whole quicker.

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