Sidetracked Charley

If I am going to be totally honest with myself I began to grieve for the loss of dreams on the day of Trump's inaugural address. And while we are being totally honest I did not listen to it. I read it. I have never been able to listen to him. The world he described was not one I welcomed. And one I began to fight the minute he was elected. I was mostly worried he would get us in a nuclear war. Instead he got us into a pandemic. One he refuses to admit to. Why do I think he chose this on purpose? If all the old people die he can eliminate SS and Medicare. And if it only happens in Democratic led states he can eliminate opposition to his re-election. All which should make me angry. Instead I just want to cry. Good I am self-isolating because I am crying and very unexpected times. Grief, a friend reminded me, is like that. Can you grieve for four solid years? Or is it a new grief on top of an old grief not yet moved beyond. But I accept this. This is the death of our nation.

As one picked to die in this pandemic I want my house and all its contents burned to the ground with me in it. I want the land to go back to as it was before the 1861 homestead act. Let this stand as my last will and testament. Jacqui Binford-Bell My study of plagues and pandemics in the earth's history this sounds best. I have never wanted to live forever. In point of fact I have lived longer than I expected. I have planned to take no extraordinary measures to protect my life beyond my 75th birthday which is still over a year off. I faced my death Christmas Even 2001. I saw myself in the light as I observed my body on the snow below me. I did not fight to return. I was pushed. I thought as I fell from the light, "This is going to hurt." And it did. Still do not know why I had to come back. Surely it was not just to be able to paint and photograph the beauty around me. That said I still feel I have much to offer to the world I live in. I know things which cann

There are times when this seems so unreal. Certainly this is not happening. And this disconnect from what is happens a lot in the age of Trump. Moments like when he gave his horror filled inaugural address which now seems to be coming true. Or is it all just Orson Wells redo of War of the Worlds . I went out yesterday for just the second time in the month of March. I have been self-isolating at first because of spring breakers. They always bring colds and flu and chaos. I choose my times carefully. I am an early bird so beating the crowds is very easy. But now that the Covid-19 virus is around all that much more important. Quickly going around the edge of the market to get milk to make yogurt and some cheese I glanced down some of the rows to see the empty shelves, and a couple loading a cart to over flowing. Later I caught a glimpse of them putting it all in their vehicle with Oklahoma plates.  The roads were not empty as I had thought. Not only were we all being advised to

No, not the southern border. Or even the northern. State borders. There used to be check points on the borders between New Mexico and California. Supposedly it prevented you from bringing illegal fruits? And vegetables? From one state to another. I can remember in college smuggling back papaya from spring break in California. I have joked in the past of nobody missing New Mexico if we decided to no longer belong to the US and where we could put up ports of entry on the major interstate highways: I25, I10, I40. News has reported there are seven states which are doing Nothing to contain the Covid-19 pandemic. Two are direct neighbors: Oklahoma and Texas. Because of the total and absolute lack of leadership from the top down states have been reacting piecemeal to the crisis. The various Governors in Washington and California, New Mexico, and Colorado have taken action for their own states. But while they have taken decisive action to hopefully head off the pandemic eleven states

Lucky, as defined by me, is being in the right place with the right light to take the perfect photograph. So when a friend last summer suggested I try to refinance my house I didn't figure I had a chance in hell. But I got lucky and the refi went through. And for more than I wanted for the few repairs I wanted to I did not consider luck. Then came the broken transmission on my truck. That is my usual luck. Have money and something breaks to spend it on. As the Covid-19 entered our news I was deeply involved in finding a new to me used car. I had money after all. And as the crisis was wrapping up I was registering my 2003 Ford Explorer and getting insurance on it and showing it off to a friend or too. I really thought the new truck was quite lucky. Now the DMV office in town is closed. I got the Explorer within my budget so I got my 1942 Case Tractor lawn ornament too. A great landmark for my studio and businesses and the soon to be AirB&B. But now with social distancing a

Spring break is over early. All the ski areas in my state were urged to close after Colorado, our neighbor to the north, shut down and every skier seemed to be heading south to invade our state for more skiing. To say that residents here panicked might be overstating it. But it isn't far from the truth. There was definitely a shift in our attitude to the negative. And got worse after reports were that all the visitors were emptying our grocery store and loading their SUV's to go back to Texas. I found hope later when a post on social media said to limit personal contact to those you know and are familiar with. And with all the strangers leaving it meant my community was back. And it was as if someone gave me permission to meet with friends mana y mana.  And soon one friend emailed me to say her cell phone service had been erroneously shut off. Could she come and use my phone? Yes. And then another wondered if I had butcher paper. Yes. And the sun came out and we stood on

Where were you when you realized this was serious? I was having a 1942 Case Tractor delivered to my house as a lawn ornament/landmark. Through my life there have been a series of questions which are landmarks or turning points. Questions that still pop up in conversations with people who have lived through the same times. Where were you when President Kennedy was shot. At the student union building at University of New Mexico having lunch with friends from high school. One had brought a bag of Frito's. I have not eaten them since. There are a who bunch of when you heard someone was assassinated in the following years, Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King. Stand out. Then there was Kent State. I was in Senator Charles Goodall's offices when the news broke with fellow staffers all stunned as we watched the news. The same staffers I worked with during Watergate. I was back in New Mexico when Nixon resigned. I was skiing in Red River when we attacked Iraq the first