And Then It Became Really Dark

It is not raining here

I knew it had been a while since I posted a Dark Times Journal entry. But my last post was May 24th! My only excuse is things just got too dark on too many fronts. And my favorite time to join with my muse and wax poetic is in the mornings over coffee. Sadly it is when I cry most.

There is a test Skinner did with cats where there were two boxes. He would shock the cat in the box it sat in and it would jump to the other. If he shocked it there the first time the cat would jump back to the original box. But soon it would not jump at all. It would just huddle down in the box and shiver regardless of the shocks.

I think I am that cat. I have been that cat since I mailed in my primary ballot. And realized it didn't matter. Everyone was corrupt. Both parties were beyond saving. And just possibly our best hope was for all the old white men in government to die of Covid-19. Then I finally got my stimulus check. I wasn't that desperate for the money. For one of the few times in my life I have some savings. But the check and how fast the money went made me worry about everyone else who didn't have savings or a job.

That is when I started counting cars. There are two rental properties near me. Once I can see out my kitchen window. It is a single wide trailer which has three small bedrooms and first there were two cars. They never moved so I assumed they were not essential workers. Then there were four cars. One moved a few times a week so either doing the shopping for everyone or a part time job. Now there are six cars. Three never move. They put 4 x 8 sheets of plywood all around the deck so there is only a foot of air above the two layers.

I spend what I consider and inordinate amount of time as I wash my dishes trying to figure out where everyone is sleeping and what they do behind that wall of plywood. It made me wonder about the other rental property at the end of my lane. Yesterday on the way to the dumpster I detoured to pass it. Ten cars! plus the two which have not moved for at least a year. Of the ten eight are new. It is a duplex so four cars would be probably normal.

People are being evicted and moving in with friends. Or family. But what about those with no friends or family. This is where I usually tear up.

And then there was no green grass over the leach field. It is dry, horridly dry. The bare ground is powdery. But there is almost always grass over the leach field. It is where the voles used to live. Now they have moved to my woodshed which is too close to my hoop house. They think I am raising lettuce and other vegetables to support them. Seeds would sprout and they would mow them down. I took time away from counting cars to figuring out how to best keep voles away.

The lift station pump of my septic system was replaced. If there had been another stimulus check it would have covered that. There wasn't. The grass is growing where it should but still no significant rain so the voles still believe I am planting the garden just for them. The cat does one a day, the traps two to three. But I cannot walk along around the raised beds without the scurry of a furry creature. Yesterday I thought of them like the owners of the cars piling up in driveways.

We are all just trying to survive. And yesterday the US topped 70,000 cases in a single day. Trump, drought, voles, Covid-19 all just seems like entirely too much. So I cry.