Saturday, January 9, 2010

White Knuckling It

I must admit, if you have not figured this out already, that I am I can be a rather compulsive person. No, my house is not obsessively neat, rather the reverse. I think at times I am almost compulsively messy. Having the house too neat would be erasing me from it.

And I am not compulsive all the time. I am rather manic compulsive if there is such a thing. I can swing along through life feeling the breeze in my hair and then suddenly slam into a tree and want to take control of everything including the vine and the breeze.

I am in one of my compulsive phases. The tree I hit was the lawsuit. Obviously swinging was over for a while. Sitting at the base of huge trees in my path creates an urge to redesign the entire forest. Current re-design plans included, beyond the lawsuit, losing weight, keeping heating costs really low, turning all but one light off, not running out of firewood before April 1st, decluttering that mess I spoke of earlier, getting back to exercise daily, coming up with the perfect promotion plan for my art, making more money than ever before, and stopping my depression right now. Actually, I think there were a couple other things in that list, hmmmm?

If you get too many balls in the air, sooner or later, you will drop one. Then it occurs to you that you have been juggling them while walking the balcony rail, and the next thing you know you are holding on to that rail to avoid falling into the void below. White knuckling it. It dawned on me yesterday, when I could not take total advantage of my creative escape weekend, that I might be holding on to things too hard. You have to be in swing mode to paint. My internet friend, Bee, totally out of the blue, suggested ice cream. You do have to let go of rails to eat it.

I got caramel chocolate cow tracks. I love pouring cream over it. Sort of a cream float. Right! Definitely have let the diet ball drop. Then I got the e-mail from the attorney saying that she thought we were in a good enough space to not have our meeting on Monday - just Wednesday. So I get to extend my creative escape weekend. I get to swing through the trees. And eat ice cream.


  1. I know exactly what you mean by swinging..being a Gemini like you..and yes we are kind of Compulsive people..I have a big cleanup about once a week,can't stand filth,but a little untidiness is ok lol..I mean to say we have probably created it anyway.

    We are also deep thinkers,very often to our own detriment,I know I am like that,we think of stuff that probably will never ever happen.

    I know in your situation I would be exactly like you are,almost drive ourselves batty with our brain,and I can understand at you not being able to paint while your brain is in that mode.

    Why don't you get your knitting out..something that might be a challenge..have the NPR radio going beside you and see if you can switch off a little..

    As for the ice-cream..yummy..and I also love cream poured over my ice-cream..and it kind of freezes..hehe how bloody disgusting and yummy.

    Now Jacs, you just switch that brain of yours off now sweets..everything is all going to be ok..get your wool bag out and get creative ((hugs))

  2. Oh, I do have the yarn out. Every afternoon when the energy wanes I sit in the easy chair under afghans I have crocheted and watch a DVD while working on some new knitting project.

    Lately I have been into doing fingerless gloves for myself and my friends that like to read in bed or sit up on the computer late.


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