Wednesday, August 10, 2011
When I was a kid I called them nightmares. Today I relegate them to the realm of disturbing. They do not contain monsters borrowed from a late night show my parents told me not to watch but from a odd arrangement of reality. They dwell in the area of the possible from which there seems to be no escape.
Per Wiki: A nightmare is an unpleasant dream that can cause a strong negative emotional response from the mind, typically fear and/or horror, but also despair, anxiety and great sadness. The dream may contain situations of danger, discomfort, psychological or physical terror. Sufferers usually awaken in a state of distress and may be unable to return to sleep for a prolonged period of time.
These days I can no longer connect my disturbing dreams to bad food or bad movie or bad news. I more often see them as heralds of a bumpy road ahead or a signal that I have overlooked something important I need to attend to. I can describe them more by the terms despair, and anxiety and sadness than fear or horror. And with dawn and a cup of coffee I can begin to make sense sometimes of the images floating unbidden into my conscious world. Disjointed probably describes them the best.
I feel like a juggler of chain saws that is about to drop them all. And what I cannot remember from last night's dream sequence (oh, yes for me them come as a series) is more disturbing than what I do remember. And was last night just the latest in the series I do not remember but as a vague sense of unrest when I awake. Was this one remembered only because the alarm I accidentally set went off. Are all the questions in point of fact more disturbing than the dreams themselves.
I rode into the pre-dawn on a dark horse chased by images I cannot remember or totally forget.
Do you have nightmares? What form do they take? And how do you shake them off?