Monday, November 12, 2012

Revealed Truth on the Road to Raton

Grassland Conference by J. Binford-Bell

As much as I might whine about taking those road trips to Raton there is something to be said about windshield time. And beyond the photo opportunities though those can be grand especially if the buffalo herd is close to the fence. But if not it can be 41 miles of flat plain with distant mesas and mountains. Empty space with endless skies. And lots of windshield time.

Nemo jump drive shuffling between new loves and old time favorites on the car stereo and mind on free float. They say the memory is triggered most by scents and second by sounds. Sounds must include music. I am one of those people that can zero in on the time and place and event I first heard a song. And then there are the songs irrevocably linked to a person. So those 41 miles of open space can be filled with years of memories shuffling like the tunes on the stereo.

And in that review of life sometimes there comes revealed truth. I have 40 year friendship with a wonderful woman that has just entered into an affair of at least the body after 14 years. And of course she is trying to sell me on finding myself a man. So reveal truth one is that men get in the way. They get in the way of what I want to do when I want to do it. And they get in the way of those 40 year friendships. I see that in the telephone calls. Already I am sick and tired of hearing about Kurt. Or is it Kirk? Doesn't matter. It got me thinking about relationships when Adele sung "When Will I See You Again?"

I have been out of a relationship for four years now. Five is my average between relationships. That is about the length of time needed to forget why I ended the previous one. Rather like women forgetting the pain of childbirth. I find men with minds very sexy, but I have also been raised to fall for alcoholics. Intelligent alcoholics are dangerous. In spite of Alanon training I always become enmeshed. And nothing is more appealing to me than a man that is unavailable. And it is the unavailable part that is most appealing.

The longer I am alone the more truth I see in that old tee-shirt: "A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle." The truth is that I am not me in a relationship. I thought for a while that it was something broken within myself. But a know too many women that are not the same person either. Not the person I call my friend. Certainly not dependable to keep a lunch date or hold an interpersonal conversation on the telephone. At least not in the opening throes of a new relationship.

Still at times on the open road I wonder what a relationship would be like with a very intelligent man with his own airplane, two plus homes in remote locations, a nice dependable fortune and no ex-wife or kids or other heirs if he was only in town three days out of 14 at max. And 20 years sober. I do know I can never introduce him to my girl friend of 40 some years because all men I have done that with fall for her.

I think I am better off as I am. At least until the next trip across the plains and more revealed truth.


  1. Yes. I got married the second time, forgetting what I disliked about being married the first time. This time I've managed to keep more of myself, but still, there are things I cannot do, do not do, because of the relationship.

    The illusion of marriage, the illusion of a relationship, being "in love," is so much better than the reality.

  2. That is a lesson I learnt years ago. Vowed never to marry again and didn't. LOL

    1. Checked out your profile in search of blog. Sounds like if we did not live a whole world away we would be friends. We seem to have the same interests including not being married again.

    2. Yes you two can be friends - both of you are lovely and I like it when my friends have something in common. Going to make my comment on this terrific piece later on - after lunch which my husband cooked!!!! (I could write a book about my second marriage which thankfully worked!)

  3. I'm back. Have time today as it's a Public Holiday although I brought work home with me as we have a Convention on the 24 November.

    This is one thoughtful and oh-so-true post. I have a friend of 50 years standing who is convinced that men should live on a different planet and when we women needed ot wanted them for anything, be able to press a button and bring them down. When we'd had enough, send them back. That was before the love of her life walked back into her life after 30 years, (she had never married), love rekindled instantly and they married in a fairy tale wedding, never looking back.

    Intelligent men are very sexy and that was one of the qualities that drew me to mine. Never mind that he could dance a mean Samba! But I know what you mean when older women/friends who suddenly 'fall in love' feel that you to be just like them and never give a thought that perhaps that the last thing you would want. Having said that if they are a good friend, they should know damn well what your feelings are on matters of the heart or head as the case may be!

    She's still in the 'heady ' stage. Wait till she hits earth and finds out that he burps, snorts and farts just like every other man!

  4. This blog made me grin evilly. I am still married to the original spouse. Far from perfect but better with than without. But I relate to your blog. Life involves compromise, whether we are single or not. The first flush of love is a separate country. It should level off in a few months.Let's hope your friend becomes more available to you then. As a society, we place way too much emphasis on chasing romance and not enough on cultivating friendships. And now I have to go get ready for the weekly lunch date with my best friend.


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