Friday, November 30, 2012

Wisdom of Mechanics and Lawyers

Junkyard Sculpture by J. Binford-Bell

Cars and relationships break. Mechanics exist to fix your cars and inspire you with hope that it will roll again. Lawyers exist to not fix the marriage but profit from its breakdown. I will always need a car and ergo a mechanic. But if I never get married again I will hopefully not need a lawyer.

At some incredibly early age I announced to my mother that I had absolutely no intention of ever getting married or having any children. The latter decision came from the infant science of genetics in my biology class and my exposure to raising pedigreed dogs. The first part of my declared knowledge came from my close observation of people. Most of the married ones I knew just did not seem happy. And Mother, when most unhappy, talked about all she gave up to marry my father.

But I was married twice. I think of them as huge mistakes. So was just living together with Bruce after college. Tip: When you move into their house (owned or just rented in their name) none of what you move in is yours. I got semi-lucky on the dissolution of that relationship. But it did take me years and years to establish a credit history because of seven years I did not exist in credit land. BTW it also took thousands of dollars in deposit for essential services and an apartment because of that. I thought that belonged to the age of women having no rights but NOT.

After that experience I didn't even date for almost 5 years. My breakup from Dwight involved guns and high cliffs and may one day be a novel. My first marriage was shorter than the divorce and involved excessive alcohol, stalking, and him demanding alimony. Note: the alcohol resulted in him losing his job so I was the wage earner. Temporary sobriety led him to a religious conversion and I got my stomach full of biblical quotes. (PS, one day I will do a blog about my negative religious experiences of which this is just one.)

I wrote about some of the trials and tribulations of divorcing Marc in the previous blog - The Two Mrs. Bells. Breaking up is hard to do even if you really, really, really want to. And lawyers are going to make it very, very, very expensive. While Marc and I were going through the separation of bed and board a couple we were very friendly with were dividing bed, board and boardroom. They were in arbitration for almost two years because he wanted it all in a state that only guarantees him 50% and it was all hers to begin with.

Thankfully I stuck with my pronouncement about not having kids because that just makes it all that much worse. I do not even want to date a man with children. This blog is courtesy of of a high school alumni friend that asked if I had ever been married. Seems in my high school there were a lot of women that married their soul mates right after graduation and stayed married until the death do us part segment. I do know people that have had successful marriages. I am just not one of them. First, as Mother always said, I am selfish; two, as Dad always said I do not stick up for myself; and three, I love pirates.

That bit of self-knowledge came at great expense. But I also learned a lot about medicine from John, mechanics and electrical contracting from Marc. From my relationship with Bruce I think I could go for my master's degree in English. I learned to play the drums from Dwight. And from all those relationships I learned a hell of a lot about contract law. I have considered being a paralegal from time to time. Any lawyers need a part time clerk?

But I definitely know I am not getting married again.

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