Garden Withdrawal and Other Life Issues

Sunflower

I bought a large free-standing umbrella for deck sitting and the days got cold and the winds whipped up. I have not set under the shade of my new red umbrella even once. The deck goes unused. And the flowers I used to gaze upon and photograph have undergone a killing frost.

 I think I am in mourning for the end of summer but I have been too busy to stop and think about it. My decade long physician retired, and the new doctor does not seem to be able to read my files. It might have been easier for me to have deliberately changed my medical provider, but I was too busy with my dentist to consider that. Genetics have finally caught up with me in the mouth department, which in my humble opinion, takes a toll on my one health issue. Dr. Cohen would have understood that. The new one doesn't except in that he can hold me hostage to more appointments.

 More visits to doctor and more trips to Questa to see my dentist translates into less deck time. Less lap time for Thicke, my ticked tabby. Less sanity. 

 I believe in a messy garden as winter approaches but I think I have exceeded all my previous expectations on this requirement to provide shelter for bugs and butterflies and food for birds. And the studio I swore to keep neat is in havoc. Chunks of time don't work well for large compositions so I have been working on little pieces for the approaching holiday market. But painting a dozen Christmas ornaments does not feed the soul like a large original composition. The oil sticks I ordered for just such a piece remain unopened. My drawing table is scattered with little 5 x 5 panels in one state of completion or another. My work space echos the messy state of my garden.

 Both echo the chaos of my schedule filled with appointments I want to wish away. All reminders of the three years after my head injury filled with appoints with neurologist, cognitive therapist, orthopedist, and shrink for the depression. I am famous for telling one physician, "Enough. I will be better just by not having to see you."

 Meanwhile my mama jade plant needs repotted. It stands there in its cracked pot, poised by the new, and accuses me of neglect. Just one of several projects in the chorus.

 Damn. I seriously miss deck time.

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