I sometimes do not listen to myself. I have this group of friends that think I give good advise and whether it is a telephone call, cornering me in the coffee shop, windshield time, or on line chat I often do not listen to myself. It has been a down year for me in so many ways and that does not seem to have changed the number of people seeking advice or calling me a beacon of hope and positive attitude it seems but it has made me feel more like an actor on the stage, an evangelist in a tent, a multiple personality. And definitely more alone.
The problem with being an artist is that we are too often our only source of company. That goes triple for January when it seems sometimes even the muse does not visit enough, and the voices in my head seem to all be feeding the fires of impending doom. But I was making a comment on a friend's blog about homeopathic medicine and testing to see if it is real when I stopped to re-read my comment.
My self-talk of late seems to run counter to what I truly believe and know. In short I have been selling myself a bill of goods I don't want to buy. I am not going to take all the blame because I am truly a believer in the cosmic consciousness and at the moment that well of thought is not real healthy. It has been a bad year for lots of people. But as I wrote in my political blog this morning, Hope is a strategy. And it needs to be one I more consciously take in my personal life beginning now.
Thoughts that need dashed:
- I cannot lose weight
- Exercise isn't working for me,
- In this economy why spend money on the business
- I am not a good artist
- I cannot be financially secure
- The contractor from hell will win
- Doom is lurking around the corner