Be Kind to Yourself


 

Yes, it is summer and temperatures are again breaking records. I is going to be cool in Tucson today: only 107 F. But going outside my comfort zone still gives me chills. And when a friend tells me of a trip they are taking my first response is not joy but, please be careful. Or be safe. Or are you sure you want to do that.

I plan my essential trips (store, post office, pick up scripts) for the low traffic times. I have studied them for a year. I stay home within my comfort zone during high tourist traffic times. I cruise down the local town main street and take inventory of the cars in the parking lot. Too many white plates and I will reschedule my shopping.

Yes, I am the one that spent eight days on a house boat on Lake Powell with my sister. And I am the one who in the middle of the night when the boat started to drift jumped into the black water to grab a mooring line and secure it once again the the shore. I drove my Astro van on a road that was wet Bentonite clay. The surface that is slicker than snot. I have driven the million dollar highway between Silverton and Ouray during a spring snow storm. All but the last I might totally do again. But go shopping at the local market when the parking lot is full of pretend SUV's with white license plates NEVER. 

Given my wild and crazy youth I probably had more than one reason to acquire PTSD. Like the time I went through the passenger side windshield. But I now believe that PTSD are like head injuries. They stack. Each gets worse. Each triggers all that happened before.

Doctor at the ER: So have you had a head injury before?

Me: Am I going to be scared for life? (as I compressed the cloth to my bloody face).

Doctor: Non-responsive. Hit your head?

Me: I fell off Candlestick on to the second barrel.

Doc: Hit your head?

Me: Maybe

He decided I did. And after being barreled into by a drunken skier the MRI, when I at last got one, indicated I had hit my head a lot before landing on it. That neurologist: Do not do this again.

That is how I feel about the pandemic. I do not ever want to do this again. I will obey every mask rule, even those not in place, and crowds, and never get closer than 6 feet to any one not fully vaccinated to prevent it. BTW I no longer barrel race or ski either. Been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, and have the scars to prove it.

But I really want to drive to Utah after tourist season is over. Meanwhile I plan on being really kind to myself. I made it this far. I survived the pandemic this far. And if you are reading this, so have you. Be kind to yourself. You are a warrior. Lick your wounds. Share your scars with your close friends.

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