Adulting is Knowing Sorrow


So many improvements and memories. So many losses. This the deck I built and standing on it is Magique who I lost. The lost pets are many. Google and Facebook remind me constantly. Some memories are good. Some so sad. I was just beginning this gardening year when the fire began on Kermit Peak.

It was to be my second vrbo year and but beginning slowly. I was happy to have ample time to work on the gardens when Mora was evacuated. I invited homeless friends to stay in the empty rental. A frolic. Soon they would be able to go back home. Two weeks later I was ordered to evacuate. Kate had asked how long before she could go home and I didn't know. I did not know how long before I got to go home.

I had a place to go. To stay with a friend in a near by town. It would be a lark. Soon I would be back here in my home of 30 years of memories. Today it hit me it would be more than a weekend when I had to fill out a temporary change of address. Suddenly I was discussing all the truly difficult questions like what if there is nothing to go back to? What is next? What if this town with all the evacuees has to be abandoned.

I have so long skipped from on thing to the next - next job, next state, next marriage. And suddenly, as my temporary hostess was selling me on how great this little town was, I found myself at NO. And by no means a gentle no, but a solid NO. But it is a good town, I love it she said. 

But you chose it. I have not.  

I was very happy where I was. Sure I wanted a new bathroom, but just that. I had my gardens, my vacation rental, my studio, my Dog Gone Park. I was happy.

And I did not want to move.

And there are so many unanswered questions and no free choice. 

I went back to my rather comfortable mattress on the floor and wrapped around my cat, Thicke cried. We both agreed we did not want this choice.

I did not want to adult another day.
 

Comments

  1. AnonymousMay 14, 2022 at 5:24 AM

    I hope a miracle occurs and you don't have to lose your home. You are an amazing woman and I
    know if this happens, you will find the strength to begin again. One day at a time.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousMay 14, 2022 at 5:59 AM

    Thicke cried……I feel tears welling up as I read this. Please, please let it all be there return to. Meanwhile, a day at a time. Much love from a cool and cloudy Nakusp.

    ReplyDelete
  3. The Blog of BeeMay 14, 2022 at 11:13 AM

    I am crying for you. Having lost two two homes and having to start again with nothing I wholeheartedly endorse your 'No'

    ReplyDelete

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