Monday, August 9, 2010

Hanging in there

Clearing my schedule to allow for downtime and serendipity was the correct thing to do even though it ran counter to all my upbringing of living up to my commitments. I have taken my responsibilities so rigidly at times that in order to give myself permission to give in and give up I have to virtually cut off a finger or fall down the steps. A simple cold won't do it. I will muscle through like the trouper I was raised to be.

But sometimes survival means just sitting still and waiting for rescue. I learned that when I was with the Civil Air Patrol and we were out flying over forests looking for a lost hunter. It also helps to take off the camouflage jacket and sit in the middle of a meadow. Not under the trees. I could be bleeding from multiple wounds and when asked by the EMT responding to the accident, "How are you?" I will answer with a smile, "Fine, and you." I was brought up to not whine.

The last week has not been easy but I am a survivor and I will make it through this rough patch. And I am practicing letting go and just being with my feelings and my inability to live up to what others expect of me just now. That is the hard part.

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