Thursday, January 12, 2017

Who I Was January 10, 2017



I had no sooner finished the previous blog when I found myself asking who was I just the day before. Or the minute before I read the article which made such a difference in how I saw my future.

The glib answer is, "The same me."

But I know that isn't so. If it was then the article would not have had such an impact. I knew we were facing dark days. I knew it was very important to resist the direction this clown and his party were taking our country. I knew I had zero in common with any of them.

But I also knew I had friends who I cut off because after the election they became someone I did not recognize. It was as if the election of Donald Trump had given them permission to use his words and his mocking tone, and his rude and crude behavior. It was almost as if pussy grabbing was contagious or at least I was afraid it was contagious.

Yesterday, I was totally fine with the loss of those few friends almost as if I believed it was a temporary quarantine. I would commit myself to the work of the CDC to cleanse the population of this virus and soon all would be back to normal. A former political activist in my twenties I was finding being in the resistance exciting. I enjoyed the research and the posting in the secret group I belonged to. Every morning since the new Congress was seated I have begun with research as to its agenda for the day and then fired of communications to my representatives and lobby groups or committees in an effort to effect the outcome. Two years was going to fly by. Then we would have a new congress. Impeach the president.

But today I realize it may not be so easy. That I might not persist in this fight. I might cloak myself in the language of the others out of fear or exhaustion or frustration. I might wake up and find myself not me.

I have done a lot of research on serial killers. Boogie men have always been fascinating. And I am aware of the members of the FBI criminal profiling divisions who spend too much time alone with dragons. 


I am an introvert so I know I am strong within myself. I do not compromise me to be accepted. But I am also a mimic and I an pretend to be someone in order to pass a check point.

These blogs are my check points. Check point Charley.

2 comments:

  1. Powerful. Even though we have a more benevolent government on the surface right now I have been spending much mental energy on these questions as well.

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    Replies
    1. Perilous times we live in. I take heart I live beyond he scope of the radar but I live in a rural area where the white men voted for Trump.

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