Friday, March 25, 2011
Been here but not done that
First it was the toothache and then a general sort of malaise. It took a friend on another blog telling of her woes to let my soul know I have been depressed. Work awaits in the studio but it has not gotten beyond sketches on the canvases. The house is a mess even if I have tied the studio so I could mat and frame my photographs for an exhibit.
It isn't as if I have done nothing but everything I do seems to require such effort and seems so quickly to need redone. Like the kitchen. I wish when depressed I would not eat but I keep thinking there is something I can cook that will cheer me up. Actually the hamburger on flat bread was quite good last night while crying through the movie Secretariat. But the calendar says it is spring even if the weather doesn't quite. Summer fairs loom not all that far away and there are paintings to paint.
I need to get back to my exercise regime so ambitiously begun before the offending toothache that made movement painful. There are things also that could be done outside if the wind would stop. And the standard poodle is just half trimmed. So many things that could be done - or re-done like working through the mess on the computer desk and table again. And I pulled out all my matting supplies in the studio to do the photographs and have not put my toys all away. The camera sits ignored in spite of encouragement about my photography.
My excuses are all now gone. No calendar full of tasks to complete. No horrid toothache. The studio awaits. Now to find my motivation. I can remember in my amateur acting days turning to a director in the fourth row of seats and asking, "What is my motivation in this scene?" And he provided his answer. Or the answer he thought the author would have given. Now there is nobody to ask but myself, and I am having difficulty coming up with answers. If I were writing the play I would put in a new patron or two, several nice sales at the galleries I am in, a new gallery in Arizona or Utah, a dearth of work that must be replenished, spring wildflowers pushing through snowmelt ground, the awful spring winds stopping. But alas I have to work with the script I have been given and cannot thumb through to the next scene.
So difficult to find one's motivation in March!