Monday, March 28, 2011

TW3 - March is almost gone


The taxes were filed electronically this year by the accountant who does my taxes yearly. It always strikes me about this time that I pay a lot to have my taxes done when I make so little money. How much simpler my financial life would be if I just took my Social Security check and ran. But I argue I cannot live on SS alone. Who can these days. Two years without a raise while prices they don't seem to track in the inflation index just keep going up and up and up.

I look at what I make on my rental vs what it costs to keep it rentable and I wonder why. I look at the cost of supplies for art which is not currently selling, not to mention fair fees gambling on an improved market by summer and again question the decisions I make. Last year it did come out on the plus side for both ventures, but it would have to be way more profitable to make the effort seem worth it.

But I try not to judge a book by its cover or a year by the first quarter. For an artist the first quarter is all outgo and no income unless like one of my artist friends and you have a stack of commissions. I don't. And then there is the now gone tooth. Like years depressions are always worse in the beginning. I think it is the denial factor. One more piece of chocolate and I will be up for the day! I remember thinking that in my wild and crazy youth and the next drink.

I am told this dismal beginning on 2011, the year I looked so forward to because it was not the loathed 2010, was because of Mars in Pisces and very soon now it will be moving into Aries or just has. And things will be a lot better. The joke in our family was just around the next bend or over the next hill. Mother was always sure we would never get there. Dad was oddly the eternal optimist on our destination of the needed gas station. And since he always had held together the damaged bomber until the home airport on friendly territory came into view I generally sided with him. However, Mother's extreme negativity (or fear) did penetrate. And especially where art is concerned.

She told me being an artist was stupid and so I avoided being one for decades - my redneck period. It was not until after her death I was able to dare to sell my creative output. I have not cut off an ear as she would point out continually as the end result of being creative, but I seem to be living up to her prediction of starving artist. I win awards while other artists get commissions. I get raves and others get sales. I need a seachange in my soul. I should exorcise my mother's voice. Let it be gone, except in the matter of fudge recipes, with the end of March!

3 comments:

  1. I read your words and could be saying them myself. I am a writer that never makes the words come out of her head. Sidetrack is my whole life. I read the words of others and become intimidated feeling I could never write as beautiful as that and my words fall silent as thoughts only. I will be in a slumber and continually thinking or more or less writing and never do they make it to the page. Books and books that no one has ever read. Because of the voices in my head.

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  2. I got here at last. It's a Public Holiday and although I promised myself a quiet day at my desk to make some impression on my ever mounting in tray which is being ignored because of Lenten projects, I found myself actually posting a blog and visiting friends I have neglected - you being top of my list! Lent will not be forever!

    Mothers' voices will always be in our heads whether we like it or not. The secret is to do what we sometimes did when they were alive - switch off!

    This is your time - it may not be going exactly the way you want it to but remember first quarter of every year is normally quiet in every field - people still paying off their credit cards having spent unnecessarily at Christmas!! still one cannot judge others as I have just done! Where is the blasted duct tape??? Also times hare harder. But thinks will get better and you should have been and are an artist. Mother was wrong - her uncertainty came from fear. She was probably a pessimist brought on by having an overly positive husband! Or from disappointment.

    Chin up girl friend and best foot forward.

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  3. Apologies for glaring typos. I really should be sleeping.

    And to fsithsurvivesnow - chin up too. Sometimes we see great beauty in what others have written but just sometimes we read things and think that we could have done much better than that. And the reality is that we can - sometimes!

    I personally know a many times published author and when I read some of her works I know I can do better! If only I would discipline myself!

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