What Is Most Important - Day Two



Sometimes we are so involved in an activity, habit, addiction we lose why. What purpose does this serve in my life. What do I miss most? Friends. No, not the 460 Facebook credits me with. Friends in that particular context are those I have granted permission to see my posts. There is at least three I know are deceased but they pop up on shared memories from time to time. Like the memories of pets long gone they can bring tears to my eyes.

 Like life not all friends are missed. My father, during one of those dad and daughter dinners when I was in college, explained that if I, in my lifetime, had more than five friends I could count on in times of trouble I should consider myself very lucky. As I recall this dinner at a fine restaurant followed a major issue in the dorms. To me, at the time, it was a huge thing. My best friend got kicked out of college, I got put on restrictions, and the person causing it all declared victory but moved to another dormitory.  My father had been through WWII and Korea. It would be decades before I truly understood the friends he had lost.

 I grew up an Air Force brat and friends you lost was just part of the process of redeployment. I tried to keep touch with them all through letters. Worked until after the wedding invitations. Women surrender friends when they get married. They change names so you cannot find them. I vowed to never be that person. But not all my friends approved of my choices. So if I were to revisit that conversation with my father I might counter it was different for women. It doesn't take a war.

 The internet has redefined staying in touch. And since my first appearance on a social platform I have made possibly 50 friends I stay in touch with. I have followed some to other platforms to continue to stay in touch. And among those 50 there are maybe 20 I have found a need to sneak on to Facebook to check up on these last few days. Five are going though some trying times of their own. Know that I have not abandoned you even if I have not clicked one of those silly icons in passing through.

 But I must admit this sojourn away from Facebook is not a divorce. Nor is it really just a trial separation. It was my response to a sudden realization I did not much like the group of turkeys I found myself flocking with. And I had allowed their behavior to manipulate my behavior. I needed to step back and find out what was important about my time on Facebook. Why I was there.

 1) Those friends from the Y!360 days forward.

 2) New friends I have made in the ether.

 3) Facebook friends who have crossed over into people I meet for lunch and treks with cameras. And those if we didn't live in other states and countries I would meet for coffee.

 4) Connection to the non-profit groups in my community which I am involved with and care about supporting.

 5) Parents of my fur kid clients.

 6) News. 

 Note that four of those five are clearly people driven. And maybe news is too. But the important news is what is happening to my Facebook friends. Especially those friends having problems about now.

 What is not important: quizzes, copy and paste and post this to your timeline for at least an hour, forward this to 100 of your closest friends before you die, pray for this person you do not know, etc. 

 And I am gifted with some very talented friends on Facebook. I want to see the art and beauty they have created, and the slices of life they have captured on film. That is one of the joys of social media, though I have a preference for the photos of blue Herons over the new grandchild, cats over kids, etc.

 So I will be back but expect that to be different.

Comments

  1. Ien in the KootenaysJune 18, 2018 at 8:03 AM

    Using Facebook instead of being used by it is a constant struggle. I am following this with great interest.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. JBinford-BellJune 18, 2018 at 9:55 AM

      Yes, and I don't have all the answers so if you come up with some good tips please share. I try to remind myself that when I lived in Washington, DC and worked for a US Senator I read the entire editorial sections and headline news of the Washington Post and the New York Times every morning. On Sunday's I did it over breakfast.

      I don't have a job which demands that these days but I think my country demands that level of engagement. Our lives here depend upon knowing what we will have to redo if we get out of this alive. But life won't matter if I sell my soul and abandoned my garden and pets and talents to do that. Moderation in all things including moderation.

      Delete

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