Monday, February 15, 2010

Sometimes Life Just Gets You Down

I am reading Anne Perry's second book of her WWI trilogy: Shoulder the Sky. Reading about a chaplain on the front lines having to bolster the faith of others can be a bit depressing. How does one keep the faith that this too shall pass? Let alone spread a positive message to the soldiers on the front lines about a loving god.

There are months that just get you down. February is a month with low cosmic energy (sorry, but cannot think of another way of expressing that). But I have decided to do something stressful like diet. And my two year battle against my contractor-from-hell comes to a head the 19th of March. Shrinks will tell you there are more suicides in this month than December, which most of us believe with Christmas depression. And those among us fighting chronic illness go through the biggest crises in February. And those with fatal illnesses die.

Mortuaries hate the month. The ground is frozen but more people die than any other month discounting those with a WWI German poisoned gas attack (back to that book I am reading). Which reminds me of the episode of Northern Exposure when the mayor must come up with a list of graves to be dug before winter sets in. I thought it was macabre humor until winter loomed with an aging and infirm fur kid in residence.

I don't mean to sound trivial about any of this though sometimes the only thing that gets us through the hard times is a sense of humor. I have two friends with serious health issues. Another that has threatened suicide. Losing my house terrifies me, and some days dying sounds easier then continuing to fight. There are days for all of us when it just seems we cannot handle one more bit of bad news. Which brings me to the picture I am using as an illustration for this blog. As my frequent readers know, I am not a conventional religious person. But I do gleam life lessons from the stories of the prophets and saints. There may not be life after death. Or another life after this one ends. But living has shown me that generally even the worst situation gets better eventually.

It is that eventually that often gets me down. I am not a patient person. I am much better than avoiding the issues until someone tries to drive a nail through my hand. It often seems as if any personal hell we are going through will just never end. I think it is wise to remember that even Jesus on the cross had his doubts. Doubting is not wrong. Just don't do anything permanent during those moments of doubt.


  1. You're right of course - sometimes it all just gets too much to bear and the term 'there's always someone worse off than you' really is of absolutely no consolation whatsoever.

    You and I have discussed the month of February and its negatives before. In fact, every February and that's a small consolation because we have both managed to come through whatever was ailing us in that particular month. I once wrote a blog in February entitled "Something is Disturbing My Spirit'.

    It's only natural that you're living in some doubt and regardless of what your beliefs are I'm not surprised that you have the imagine of JC and talk about his doubt toward the end. To doubt is human as is loss of hope but the latter is much more serious.

    We tend to disguise our doubts, pain, uncertainties with humour. At least you and I do - how else are we going to get through? That humour is the thing that stops us from going over the edge.

    The worst situation does get better. One thinks it never will whilst going through the gamut of emotions but just remember my mother's philosophy: 'nothing is ever eaten as hot as its cooked'?

    You've come a long way over the last few years - far too far to be beaten now. Those knuckles may be white from the hanging on but you are not going over that precipice. You may not want to hear me say that you are strong but I'm going to say it anyway. Yes it's been hellish, yes it seems never-ending but it will end in the meantime try to put those doubts to one side. There is nothing you can do about the what ifs so know that this hurdle will be the final one and you will be winning the gold medal.

  2. I like Bee's comment to your interesting post Jacqui. I have those times too and find myself asking why keep fighting to survive. The answer to that of course is that I am a survivor. I would not wish what I have been through on my worst enemy but the lessons I have learnt are what has made me who I am today.


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