Sidetracked Charley

  First let me say the bear photo probably has nothing to do with this blog. It is just one of the photos I have taken recently that Windows 10 has allowed me access to. And it is a photo of which I am very proud of. And which scared my sister because she thought I was more intelligent then to get this close to something that large and unpredictable. I didn't admit it to here but I was scared shitless after I took my photos. Obviously sometimes my right brain gets in the way of rational thought. Like when the Hondo fire came over the crest within a half hour of my house in Questa and I took roll after roll of film with a 50 mm lens, not a telephoto, and was unaware of the sparks falling out out of the black clouds of smoke over my head until a week later I got the prints back.  But there are events and emergencies in our lives we cannot hold a camera as barrier between it and us. Real life which is not even recordable when it is happening. But sadly I am gifted or plagued with...

  The family story goes that they could not get me to run away from home so they ran away from me. Certainly seemed that way in January 1964 when I unpacked my trunk in my dorm room. I was still in Albuquerque, where I mostly grew up, but my family was in Lakewood, Colorado. I met my friends from high school as usual at the Student Union Building but it wasn't the same. They were townies and I was now a dorm resident. I soon gave up getting a sack lunch from the cafeteria so I could eat with them. When the various breaks in the school year came my new friends went home. I, at first, went to where my family lived. But clearly that was no longer home. I began making plans to spend breaks somewhere else. Or to stay in the dorm and study in the library. I could stand alone. This morning in a chat with my sister she asked why I cared about the election outcome so much. I love history. Why she asked. Why people do what they do. What they did. It struck me that my studies are in so many w...

  Red sky in the morning.  Sailors take warning. But I am likely to be out on the deck taking photos of it and not heading to a safe harbor. But then just what is a safe harbor these days. I assume it is my home. You know where the Governor of our state has urged us to stay. It was a Dog Gone Park day so I was content even if all of them were still on Day Light Savings time. BTW dogs don't get that. And what is it we are saving all this time for? But that was my mood until a long term stay over's owner called. No, it wasn't to extend the stay. It was to pick her up in the safest way possible. Boca's owner had tested positive during a trip to the airport. Now she had to quarantine for 14 days and of course she wanted to do it with her dog. I have Dog Gone Park set up so owners do not have to get closer than seven feet. Masks required. Dog through inner gate into holding alley. They get this so well. Better than their humans if truth be known. Boca's travel bag was al...

 The Other Side of Tomorrow My father spent seven weeks on a ventilator in a Kansas City, Missouri ICU dying. We all knew this was not the life he wanted. He had a living will which said so. But Missouri did not recognize living wills. He had no right to die in that state. So he was held in suspension in some place between life and death. And so were we. Our lives revolved around the ICU waiting room. With other's whose loved ones were held hostage. We waited for the bad news which could set us free. And we crocheted and knitted, and worked crossword puzzles in increasingly larger book collections of same. And I drove back and forth from work and hospital and my parent's home where I slept fitfully if at all. And the FM radio station my car radio was tuned to seemed to always play Jim Croce's Time in a Bottle. If I could save time in a bottle The first thing I that I'd like to do Is save every day 'Til eternity passes away Just to spend them with you But we cannot c...

  One of Einstein's theories is that all times exist at the same time. Ergo time travel would be just going through the right door. I see this manifested in looking for lost objects. You know, the ones you find after seemingly days of looking and there they are just where you thought they should be and know you checked at least a dozen times. New Mexico, at the best of times seems to be of a time forgot. I love that about it. We often speak of life in the real world as if it is a totally different place. And the pandemic has made us grateful for our world. We do not want to be anywhere but here. And we look at those from that other world often as aliens from another time and place. This is the easy part of this blog. Wait for it. I can bend time. Stretch it or condense it. But never when I seem to need it. Sort of like that lost item appearing where you have looked before. Suddenly there is more time. Or less. Know that phrase "I love it when a plan comes together?" I lov...

I am rather down this morning. Am still teary eyed. A friend says fall is a melancholy time. I concede that. And there is surge fatigue. I am still deep in mourning of what was and will never be again. Though I can cast that off for short spells and begin plans on how to proceed into the new normal. I am happy about a couple of the steps that direction. But there seems to be no good news without a dose of bad. Ignoring the news I petted Thicke and began a chat with a gardening friend in another country. A green witch. Talking gardening always cheers me up. As one season ends you can look forward to the promise of the next. I have all my seeds for next year. Or thought I had all my seeds for next year until I found a chocolate cherry sunflower (no not the one above) and had to locate and order the seeds. Gardening is strange in that so much energy is directed to finding what works and concentrating on those like rainbow mix carrots and Swiss Chard, but always looking for the next go...

  Fall is not a graceful time. It seems so indeterminate. One day summer, the next day winter. You never know how to dress. Layers discarded all over the house then frantically searched for later as the sun wanes and the evening chill moves in. And not a time to be lazy. There are things to still harvest and process, container gardens to clean out or move inside or plant in a bed. There are hoses to untangle from the uncut grass and coil up and store. I hang them from fence posts above the snow though one winter the snow came over the fence.  Firewood to stack inside the woodshed or under the cover of the front porch. I learned the hard way on this when early snows buried three cords of wood and froze them to the ground beneath the snow. No warm fires that winter. That was, I believe, the same winter I found out it was not wise to depend upon frequent trips to the grocery store just five miles away. Be like the ant and not the grasshopper and stock the larder and the freezer. ...

Or what comes around goes around. Sorry, but for a moment, well maybe a week I took my eye off the ball. I stopped watching the news and . . . . derailment. I have been painting the one-day-will-be-AB&B just incase the person I hired to put down the laminate flooring shows up. I need to be ready. And reading the handwriting on the wall (actually Microsoft's insistent messaging that Windows 7 and all users are doomed) I bought a new computer with the dreaded Windows ten. And then when I was not looking Blogspot totally changed how it works.  And Drumpf tested positive for Covid-19 just as he was declaring the pandemic is over. I missed several pivotal emails effecting my schedule. And the White House is now a hot spot for infection. And I now totally understand why eggs need to be the same size if you are soft boiling them. Why didn't you just explain that, Agatha? So maybe I need to pay more attention at least to the world that impacts me. The apartment repaint is almost t...

On the Edge 30 x 18 Mixed Media on Canvas $1350           I began the Dark Times Journal when Trump was sworn in as president pretend of our country but years before I began my End of Days series of paintings which continues one by one to be added to. I believe our country, our world, our earth could end. We are on a cusp and the outcome is not certain.     But the human species cannot live without hope. Even if it is just for tomorrow. We go to sleep believing we will wake up even on days we might desire not to. Yesterday I opted for hope in a longer future. I have decided to move forward on plans, some from before Covid, some from just yesterday.      I have ordered seed for next year's garden season, but concentrated on seeds which I could grow in the studio in case there is not a summer. And I have been developing a plan for the redo of the hoop house. Part of the collapse problem was the pvc pipe which forms the hoops is past i...

BoBear  at the Pond's Edge   Smoke is blanketing my valley from the fires all around my state and just south in Santa Fe but it rained and I thought if I was quick I could get out on an early morning photography trek with my dog. You just had to be careful which way you pointed the camera. Avoid most shots with a sky line especially pointing south. The sky was white in that direction and all the hills in shades of gray. But pond reflections were blue. And toward that direction the colors were more true. It was also easier to breathe if you walked into the woods and away from the smoke filled valley. But the white sky offered a great backdrop to the dark forest. So in conclusion BoBear and I had a nice walk but I came home to my house in the Valley of the Little Coyotes with a cough and a headache, but some good photographs.  See my other Blog, Creative Journey for the black and white versions of the smokey hills. 

Keep a weather eye on the horizon Oddly one of my favorite Pirates of the Caribbean movies was At World's End. It seemed a the time vaguely prophetic. And at the moment channeled. But then, I have always figured most creative artists, regardless of the medium, are closely tied in with the cosmic consciousness. I felt as far back as December a wicked wind was coming. Or in Star Wars vernacular, a disturbance in the force. In early March I was on a campaign to get things like my new to me vehicle accomplished and groceries stocked for spring break. When the lock down order came from our governor on March 11 I was not surprised in the least. Anxious yes, because Colorado closed its ski area's first and our resort seemed determine to welcome to Angel Fire. As an introvert I like my own company and I was in the midst of a very creative time. March moved into April and I was most concerned about the lack of rain. Then the morning weeping began. Not for me or my future with m...

Has it occurred to anyone yet that we are at that special time when Trump said it would just go away? It is even worse than that. We are at that part of the calendar when most viruses seem to go dormant. And we are having infection rates of 70,000 a day. If this is the lull before the fall second peak what will that look like? And heaven forbid flu season this winter. Wondering, if we survive, if this time will go down in history as the second dark ages. We seem to be denying science and throwing truth sayers under the bus, calling out the troops on those demanding a hearing on their grievances. Can we be very far away from burning witches. Okay, I admit we seldom burned them. Joan of Arc maybe. We drowned them, hung drawn and quartered them, stoned them, pressed them, tortured them to death. And at one time in England, during the Black Death, we locked them in the house with all their relatives sick or well and waited for them to all die. Then landlords could rent the pro...

It is not raining here I knew it had been a while since I posted a Dark Times Journal entry. But my last post was May 24th! My only excuse is things just got too dark on too many fronts. And my favorite time to join with my muse and wax poetic is in the mornings over coffee. Sadly it is when I cry most. There is a test Skinner did with cats where there were two boxes. He would shock the cat in the box it sat in and it would jump to the other. If he shocked it there the first time the cat would jump back to the original box. But soon it would not jump at all. It would just huddle down in the box and shiver regardless of the shocks. I think I am that cat. I have been that cat since I mailed in my primary ballot. And realized it didn't matter. Everyone was corrupt. Both parties were beyond saving. And just possibly our best hope was for all the old white men in government to die of Covid-19. Then I finally got my stimulus check. I wasn't that desperate for the money. For ...

Peaceful Co-existence When in Rome do as the Romans do, was one of the earliest pieces of advice I can remember clearly. It had multiple versions and adaptations, from always treat the property of others better than your own to you are a guest here so behave as one and If you don't like the rules you do not have to play. Later in my rebellious youth I questioned the rules but quickly found I had the best success when I fit in with my audience or when in Rome once again. I have always behaved as a guest when travelling to new places. After all isn't travel about learning new cultures as well as taking 505 selfies before landmarks? You definitely never litter, you are always polite, you engage the locals in conversations not lecture them on your opinions of how things should be run, you never bring a boom box to a high mountain meadow or keep your cell phone on during a concert. Above all life works best if you follow the laws and rules of where you are at. And if you...

March to the End of Day I am a loner. The term these days is introvert. When I was a child my mother called me painfully shy. I stuttered so that seemed to fit. I chose the edges of life. The corners of a room, the far side of the playground beyond the swings. And because of my chosen position I became an observer. I admit to being a people watcher. But I would rather watch four footed animals. They behave better. Humans can be inspirational but they often disappoint me. The pandemic has been education in human nature. In adversity people show who they really are. I got a political call yesterday. I quickly informed the caller I had already mailed in my ballot. He impressed me when he didn't ask if I had voted for his candidate but congratulated me in voting by mail. He then asked if I needed anything. Did I have masks, and enough food? Or just someone to talk to. I informed him I was making masks for as many of my friends as I could. And in spite of two garden fails had f...

Petrified Forest Let me take this opportunity to express what a huge mistake the old white men of the United States are making. The Millennials cannot even cook their own breakfasts. Or cut their own hair. But that is a cheap line. I participated in a web conference yesterday about developing plans to open up the economy. First just because we open the doors does not mean they will come. Sixty-six days of staying to ourselves has taught us things. Gray hair is not such a bad thing for one. And it is possible to assemble your own Reuben sandwich. But the people in a row at the top of the webinar page were not young. And it occurs to me the same can be said for those of us on the board of an arts organization or the library board. In point of fact us long term volunteers have long realized that the young are not moving up into vacated positions on the village committees to support events and organizations which depend on volunteers. As as we cancel one event after another whic...

Cliff Pueblo 26 x 14 Mixed Media on Artists Canvas $820 Growing up surrounded by ancient history I have often scoffed at time. I have seen it as an artificial construct. Or as my father put it, "a gentleman's agreement." And to that end I was raised to always be punctual to whatever time was agreed upon. To do less would be disrespectful.  To be late is to say your time is more valuable than the others'. But time on that daily level is so short. What about time on the cosmic scale? Or all times at once as Einstein theorized. In the midst of this pandemic and self-isolation I am beginning to totally get what Einstein meant. Certainly the hours, maybe even the days do not matter. There are no appointments, gentlemen's agreements, to which I must be held. I have self-isolated before it was the thing to do. As a resident of a tourist area I always, like the Cheshire Cat, hide myself away during spring break. Now all of us should be doing the same. Forty-thr...

If I am going to be totally honest with myself I began to grieve for the loss of dreams on the day of Trump's inaugural address. And while we are being totally honest I did not listen to it. I read it. I have never been able to listen to him. The world he described was not one I welcomed. And one I began to fight the minute he was elected. I was mostly worried he would get us in a nuclear war. Instead he got us into a pandemic. One he refuses to admit to. Why do I think he chose this on purpose? If all the old people die he can eliminate SS and Medicare. And if it only happens in Democratic led states he can eliminate opposition to his re-election. All which should make me angry. Instead I just want to cry. Good I am self-isolating because I am crying and very unexpected times. Grief, a friend reminded me, is like that. Can you grieve for four solid years? Or is it a new grief on top of an old grief not yet moved beyond. But I accept this. This is the death of our nation. ...

As one picked to die in this pandemic I want my house and all its contents burned to the ground with me in it. I want the land to go back to as it was before the 1861 homestead act. Let this stand as my last will and testament. Jacqui Binford-Bell My study of plagues and pandemics in the earth's history this sounds best. I have never wanted to live forever. In point of fact I have lived longer than I expected. I have planned to take no extraordinary measures to protect my life beyond my 75th birthday which is still over a year off. I faced my death Christmas Even 2001. I saw myself in the light as I observed my body on the snow below me. I did not fight to return. I was pushed. I thought as I fell from the light, "This is going to hurt." And it did. Still do not know why I had to come back. Surely it was not just to be able to paint and photograph the beauty around me. That said I still feel I have much to offer to the world I live in. I know things which cann...

There are times when this seems so unreal. Certainly this is not happening. And this disconnect from what is happens a lot in the age of Trump. Moments like when he gave his horror filled inaugural address which now seems to be coming true. Or is it all just Orson Wells redo of War of the Worlds . I went out yesterday for just the second time in the month of March. I have been self-isolating at first because of spring breakers. They always bring colds and flu and chaos. I choose my times carefully. I am an early bird so beating the crowds is very easy. But now that the Covid-19 virus is around all that much more important. Quickly going around the edge of the market to get milk to make yogurt and some cheese I glanced down some of the rows to see the empty shelves, and a couple loading a cart to over flowing. Later I caught a glimpse of them putting it all in their vehicle with Oklahoma plates.  The roads were not empty as I had thought. Not only were we all being advised...

No, not the southern border. Or even the northern. State borders. There used to be check points on the borders between New Mexico and California. Supposedly it prevented you from bringing illegal fruits? And vegetables? From one state to another. I can remember in college smuggling back papaya from spring break in California. I have joked in the past of nobody missing New Mexico if we decided to no longer belong to the US and where we could put up ports of entry on the major interstate highways: I25, I10, I40. News has reported there are seven states which are doing Nothing to contain the Covid-19 pandemic. Two are direct neighbors: Oklahoma and Texas. Because of the total and absolute lack of leadership from the top down states have been reacting piecemeal to the crisis. The various Governors in Washington and California, New Mexico, and Colorado have taken action for their own states. But while they have taken decisive action to hopefully head off the pandemic eleven states...

Lucky, as defined by me, is being in the right place with the right light to take the perfect photograph. So when a friend last summer suggested I try to refinance my house I didn't figure I had a chance in hell. But I got lucky and the refi went through. And for more than I wanted for the few repairs I wanted to I did not consider luck. Then came the broken transmission on my truck. That is my usual luck. Have money and something breaks to spend it on. As the Covid-19 entered our news I was deeply involved in finding a new to me used car. I had money after all. And as the crisis was wrapping up I was registering my 2003 Ford Explorer and getting insurance on it and showing it off to a friend or too. I really thought the new truck was quite lucky. Now the DMV office in town is closed. I got the Explorer within my budget so I got my 1942 Case Tractor lawn ornament too. A great landmark for my studio and businesses and the soon to be AirB&B. But now with social distancing a...

Spring break is over early. All the ski areas in my state were urged to close after Colorado, our neighbor to the north, shut down and every skier seemed to be heading south to invade our state for more skiing. To say that residents here panicked might be overstating it. But it isn't far from the truth. There was definitely a shift in our attitude to the negative. And got worse after reports were that all the visitors were emptying our grocery store and loading their SUV's to go back to Texas. I found hope later when a post on social media said to limit personal contact to those you know and are familiar with. And with all the strangers leaving it meant my community was back. And it was as if someone gave me permission to meet with friends mana y mana.  And soon one friend emailed me to say her cell phone service had been erroneously shut off. Could she come and use my phone? Yes. And then another wondered if I had butcher paper. Yes. And the sun came out and we stood on ...

Where were you when you realized this was serious? I was having a 1942 Case Tractor delivered to my house as a lawn ornament/landmark. Through my life there have been a series of questions which are landmarks or turning points. Questions that still pop up in conversations with people who have lived through the same times. Where were you when President Kennedy was shot. At the student union building at University of New Mexico having lunch with friends from high school. One had brought a bag of Frito's. I have not eaten them since. There are a who bunch of when you heard someone was assassinated in the following years, Robert Kennedy and Martin Luther King. Stand out. Then there was Kent State. I was in Senator Charles Goodall's offices when the news broke with fellow staffers all stunned as we watched the news. The same staffers I worked with during Watergate. I was back in New Mexico when Nixon resigned. I was skiing in Red River when we attacked Iraq the first...

We are off the rails A neighbor piled tons of snow in my yard without asking. He even blocked my driveway. I thought he was a nice neighbor. We were not friends in the context beyond neighbors but he was what we call a good Christian man. He had all this snow from another property he had to get rid of and he thought he could put it there on my property above my well head where it would just melt. He didn't consider where it would melt. That the water would flood my aquifer and dig a channel across my driveway and under my house. He just wanted to get rid of the snow he was moving off of a driveway which wasn't mine. He never even considered if it was legal or if he should ask me first. He was the man with the tractor. He had often plowed my driveway for me. He thought he had the right. He was wrong. But if I called the sheriff he would maybe get a ticket. Never presented with this problem before he would ask me what I wanted done. The neighbor wouldn't do it. He ...

 Easy with cats and flowers around. Not so easy when watching the news or dealing with car salesmen or anyone selling a vehicle or diets. I had a friend once who decided to give up smoking, drinking and eating all at once. I sort of feel like she must have felt. I am trying to follow the trial of Trump, shop for a new vehicle, and lose weight. I believe she took a medical leave. I am writing a blog. I was worrying about the last on line car deal and whether the car was stolen when my sister suggested I never go to view a car alone. Well, living where I do that definitely complicates matters. Ergo this list of rules on at least car shopping. 1) Do your research up front and know what you are looking for. 2) Ask for information from the owners of cars you are interested in. You have the right to know mileage, major repairs, and vin #. 3) Do your due diligence. Visit vin# sites (usually a fee), Kelley Blue Book (free if you say it is your car and you want to arrive at a ...