Sidetracked Charley

  It is easy in March and April in New Mexico to blame the weather. And since March 2020 it has been really easy to blame the pandemic. For four years we could blame Trump. And since January 6, 2021 we can still blame Trump and his trumpsters. But I was raised to not whine. And blaming someone or something is whining. But I am going to whine. I am going to blame perhaps all of the above, except for weather, on the failure to acquire a washer and dryer for my vacation rental. I had one ordered from Home Depot. I had one ordered for delivery March 24th. They delivered to Albuquerque. Would take two more weeks to get a refund. Drove to Lowe's in Espanola and bought a set double charging the credit card hoping for the stimulus check and/or Home Depot refund before payment was required. They could not deliver until this last Thursday. But because of Governor's way of opening or shutting down whole counties Lowe's could not install due to the 16 new cases in Raton two hours away ...

  The family story goes that they could not get me to run away from home so they ran away from me. Certainly seemed that way in January 1964 when I unpacked my trunk in my dorm room. I was still in Albuquerque, where I mostly grew up, but my family was in Lakewood, Colorado. I met my friends from high school as usual at the Student Union Building but it wasn't the same. They were townies and I was now a dorm resident. I soon gave up getting a sack lunch from the cafeteria so I could eat with them. When the various breaks in the school year came my new friends went home. I, at first, went to where my family lived. But clearly that was no longer home. I began making plans to spend breaks somewhere else. Or to stay in the dorm and study in the library. I could stand alone. This morning in a chat with my sister she asked why I cared about the election outcome so much. I love history. Why she asked. Why people do what they do. What they did. It struck me that my studies are in so many w...

It is not raining here I knew it had been a while since I posted a Dark Times Journal entry. But my last post was May 24th! My only excuse is things just got too dark on too many fronts. And my favorite time to join with my muse and wax poetic is in the mornings over coffee. Sadly it is when I cry most. There is a test Skinner did with cats where there were two boxes. He would shock the cat in the box it sat in and it would jump to the other. If he shocked it there the first time the cat would jump back to the original box. But soon it would not jump at all. It would just huddle down in the box and shiver regardless of the shocks. I think I am that cat. I have been that cat since I mailed in my primary ballot. And realized it didn't matter. Everyone was corrupt. Both parties were beyond saving. And just possibly our best hope was for all the old white men in government to die of Covid-19. Then I finally got my stimulus check. I wasn't that desperate for the money. For ...

Let me say right up front this is not a political blog. It is not about our position in the world or the roll back of environmental protections. Or even the destruction of our democracy. This blog is how he has ruined us as humans. 1) It is now totally acceptable to be rude and racist and sexist. I fought for year to not be called sweetie or dear or honey or have my butt patted. All that effort was for naught as I discovered in a 30 minute conversation with someone trying to sell me a car. 2) People no longer accept our right to our own opinions. I have been told I have the wrong friends, that I am stupid, that we don't need respect for others or have the right to expect respect for ourselves. 3) Lying is acceptable and you have to only say it verbatim three times to have it be the truth. I am walking away or hanging up at the middle of the second repetition. 4) When caught in a bald face lie you only have to lie about the lie. "It was a perfect transcript."...

Transition A lot going on in my life since my last entry on this blog.  It is difficult when you are in the middle of a swamp to obtain the prospective to get yourself to solid ground. Especially if the solid ground is controlled by others or nature: things beyond your control. One of those things in the midst of the swamp was losing my flip phone. The pockets on women's jeans and even the small flip phone did not fit together. This was not the first time I lost my emergency connection to the world but it was significant to the point I did not want to buy another cell phone to again lose. How much time had I wasted on looking for that black thing which once found I had to go looking for glasses to read the messages on it. And to make matters worse it happened when I was frustrated with my server not having a working-well-enough website. So cutting to the chase my sister bought me a smart phone and put me on her service. I always argued I was not smart enough for a smart ph...

It occurred to me as I was trying to make myself watch the Democratic debate that I loathe them all. How in hell can they sit there an argue petty shit when by the time the election rolls around Trump will have declared himself dictator of a rapidly dying planet with polluted air and water and melting ice caps. Fuck them. This is worse than Nero Fiddling while Rome Burned. And that is factoring in that Nero had fires set to get the real estate cheap. Just exactly what Trump is doing for Putin and Moscow Mitch. If the Democrats do not begin Impeachment before the primaries I am not voting in the Democratic primary. I live in a closed primary state but I can change that in ten minutes on the computer. I could vote Republican if Trump is primaried. I sort of like that idea frankly. I realized I have been pissed off with the DNC since they ditched Bernie for the Witch of Arkansas. And the fact that they are constantly asking me for money has not helped. I have no money in part be...

How can the god of the New Testament of the Bible allow mass shootings of innocent people in a municipal building in Virginia or a high school in Florida or a concert in Las Vegas? The list of his errors in judgment is long. Remember the Oh, God movies where the little girl asks if he was so smart why did he make the seed of the avocado so large? Or Judas's closing number in Jesus Christ Superstar, "Why did you choose such a backward age or such a strange place?" Oddly I get the floods, and the swarms of tornadoes. And accidents happen. All are subject to the natural order. But why lying pastors just after your money? Why  Christians Sessions or Pence or Graham or Trump? Why does evil triumph over good again and again and again? I just want to know. Frankly, in this day an age I see more evidence of a Zoroastrian God.  Maybe that is why those true believers  fight so hard to not die and go to their reward. Or punishment. Like why if Trump is innocent does he fig...

Nothing seems to be working as it should be. I certainly hope someone or multiple someones are keeping records in a locked vault should anyone want to start this experiment in democracy over. Supposedly our founding fathers put in adequate protections to keep us safe from a nefarious dictator taking over. But I guess they did not imagine a president and an entire party being in league with a foreign nation out to destroy us from within. And it only took two years of all four branches of the government being in control of one party to make it virtually impossible to rescue us even after losing control of just one branch. The other branches at the direction of the president/dictator are totally blocking anything being done to rescue us. The general population is being kept in fear, sick and poor. It is time for our version of the French Revolution. Roll out the guillotines. I went to a resistance meeting which usually gives me hope and came back super depressed. I spent much ...

Desktop is back in its place.  Thicke is thrilled. He sees morning time at my computer as his. He has his box beside me. And he has a library table and computer desk and my lap to run across. And the desktop is a center of my chargers for all my electronics. It is where I keep my coffee mug warmer, my calendar, etc. So while it feels I have come back home not all is right in my snug little center. The computer seems to have a video card issue still. I still have my cold though it is getting better. And it seems Facebook has crashed this morning. I am at last aware of all the horrid things which happened in the USA and I cannot post my outrage to Facebook. I cannot call Drumpf a deranged autocrat! on my tablet or laptop or desktop. I cannot demand impeachment for the sake of the American people. We need to go on the record about our abhorrence of what this dictator is doing with the blessing of Mitch McConnell and the GOP minions. Was being disconnected from all the drip dri...

So yesterday I listened or watched the news all day. Mostly listened as I stacked wood on the deck or organized my pantry. I escaped for ten minutes to go pick up organic eggs and sweet Italian sausage. But from the moment I got up I had this expectation of something significant happening in the news. I did not want to miss the actual event even though I knew I could rewatch on YouTube and many other streaming services. And the news gods did not disappoint. Now we have you! I have a better than average legal mind. Dad loved the law so my early understanding of it was from him. And I have worked as a contract administrator with a construction firm, and a municipal court clerk. So when the news gods called out their legal talking heads I was in heaven. Our president is an unindicted co-conspirator, and involved in collusion, and probably treason, and if not president would be indicted for various felonies. He obtained his office through illegal acts! So he is not legally pres...

My high school was known for its debate and drama departments. Not its sports teams. And in my five years at the University of New Mexico our football team came close to only setting one record: The most football games lost in a row. And it shot that down by winning one on a fluke. The Democrats are a lot like UNM's football team. If they can lose it they will lose it. And with less than two weeks to the midterms they seem ready to do just that. Mind you the Democrats are not my team. And not the Republicans either. I am am independent with a small i. And the only reason I am sitting in the stands watching this defeat is I care about those in this country who blindly believe in the Land of the Free, Home of the Brave bullshit. We aren't. We haven't been for at least a decade. And if this goes on any longer we will never be get the chance to be that again. The worst things about college football is one horrible defeat can be quickly followed by another, and money b...

As a child I was drawn to horror flicks. These were generally in black and white and shown late at night on the only TV in the house. So I was generally alone in the living room in the dark with the sound really low. I was warned off this practice by my mother who was sure The Monster from the Black Lagoon would give me nightmares. Never did. Tarzan, afternoon reruns, however were a totally different animal. Mother, hoping to get a total night's sleep without a screaming child, explored why Tarzan gave me nightmares.  "Because they are real," I responded. "They are just actors," Mother explained. "But they have no zippers down their backs," I said.  Ever the very attentive to detail child I had seen the zippers on the monsters. I knew they were wearing costumes. But not the bad men on Tarzan. They were real. Africa, the dark continent existed. And there were evil white men who killed and enslaved. They also existed outside of...

In my radical youth there were so many causes to be involved in from abortion to civil rights to the draft to the ERA to freedom of speech to Vietnam to the President's right to declare war. And it seemed at times so few of us fighting because we had college and new careers and marriages and babies. You could at the time avoid the draft if you were in college, then in college and married, and then in college, married, and a parent. Many a coed sacrificed herself. And then none of that worked. Vietnam just sucked all the young men away to become cannon fodder. Birth control at the time was condoms. All else was illegal unless you were married. And one of the biggest black market drugs around was birth control pills. And if a married college friend found herself pregnant to save her husband she gave you her script. They came without instructions. And so almost as many young women got pregnant on them as those not taking them. And abortion was illegal.  Mind you that did not...

Looking Beyond My Windows It is never wise to watch too much news or spend too much time on Facebook. Even have changed my streaming fiction choices. I don't like violence on documentaries about Hitler. Even Star Wars, once a favorite, now gives me the chills especially when the droids march in huge numbers. Just before I got off of Facebook today I watched a short link about Trump's rally last night. Mistake. And they interviewed a couple of his loyal following and they were in tears about how WE were treating HIM. And they seemed to believe the whole child separation thing was the fault of Obama.  Do they read? Do they watch anything but Fox News? Do they listen to anyone other than a Republican talk? But then because of the hateful things they say I have gotten rid of all my Trump voting friends. And about 2.5 minutes is the max I can listen to Trump without throwing up. I tried to watch Fox News just to see what the other side was saying. I was afraid I would be...

The day I admitted total defeat. Sorry Germany for all the accusations I have made about you giving Hitler free reign. I now believe that in any country, in any culture there is a percentage of people that will support a dictator no matter how horrid. The one barrier to a Mussolini, Hitler, or Trump is an awake and conscious population which prevents their election. But once seated at the head of a government it is virtually impossible to unseat them in any way other than an assassin.  Our only defense is that we did not actually elect him. We just didn't prevent Russia from getting him elected. More importantly we allowed two parties to so corrupt the whole process that there were no longer any effective checks and balances. A percentage of our population is still hypnotized by this snake oil salesman, and there appears no way to snap them out of it. That said, short of hiring James Bond to handle this problem, what are we to do? I personally am sheltering in place. The Ne...

I worked for over two decades in the construction industry. My first job was as a Submittals Engineer for one of the big five. I was hired because of my bartending skills. Bartenders are not just mixologists but stand up comediennes and trained diplomats.  Three of my regular happy hour clients around the circular bar were executives for that construction company and they had a problem. Their CEO was a serious abuser of women, and the federal government, for whom they worked, wanted more women beyond the secretary level. They figured I had the skills to be one of the boys. Those skills did not come from a college course though I had my degree in an age where women were seen as going for their Mrs. degree instead of a MBA. I had worked in a Senatorial office in DC, and as an administrative assistant for a lobby group. I spent time as a manager of a retail outlet, and in the entertainment industry. I was tending bar because it was the only place I could make as much mone...

Don't separate your life from political resistance. Nadia of Pussy Rant Note: The Russian punk rock group Pussy Rant spent two years in a Russian prison for their resistance to Putin and his government. They are still resisting. From the mouth of babes.  Donald Trump was elected president and I joined the resistance again. I had experience with resistance to Richard Nixon. And to save the mini skirt. Sounds funny now in the same paragraph, but saving the mini skirt was serious. For decades men had told women how to dress. Hems up and down, no white after Labor Day or before Easter. No slacks at school or work. Our protests against Nixon, Watergate, and Kent State were more serious. The peace marches against the illegal Vietnam war and the draft were deadly serious. And behind the marches to save the mini skirt were the fights for the Equal Rights Amendment. It was a very serious time even if Time Magazine made fun of the marchers in mini skirts. And I sometim...

The news is all about the sexual abuse culture of our leaders and "heroes." We sloughed last year reports of the man who would become president grabbing pussy because women let him because he was a star. Or because he had the power to fire them. That is part of the abuse: the power. The power to ruin the life of the abused. I first ran into it while working as a store manager for So Fro fabrics. I was shocked. I quit. Toyed with bringing charges and was discouraged from doing so. Next job I applied for asked why I had quit the previous job. I lied. Something innocent like I wanted a change. I had been told the truth would blacklist me from all future jobs. And in those days companies called about references.  I ultimately landed a great job working for an international construction firm. Their CEO had a reputation which would make Trump, Cosby, and Weinstein look like pussies. My immediate supervisor had somehow gotten the information that I had quit to avoid filing a...

I think this is it. I believe it is the last time 50 states will celebrate Independence day together. It is clear we are no longer independent. And we are no longer together. The divisions have been widening for some time now. It began in very quiet ways. The mountain west does not feel represented by the eastern establishment. And now that DT has declared war on our western lands more openly the chasm is growing. They believe they can sell off our public lands to foreign mining interests (including Russia) and then allow them to ruin the water. Since we won't let them steal the water they will poison it. There is a phrase about being related to people you would not cross the street to meet. As citizens we are united to people we really don't want to know. We don't hold the same values, watch the same television shows, go to the same movies or sports events, even eat the same foods. A  friend from another country asked what is American food? I found a list forming...

I have discovered through past events I am the person who goes on automatic pilot and does what needs to be done until the immediate crisis is over. That is the good news. The bad news is when the crisis is over I will then go off screen and toss my cookies or stand at the edge of a crowd and just shiver. I am not good at pacing myself. Or staying focused for the long haul. At least not at first. I have to have my time to go off stage and scream. Or run though all those I should have said or done things.Then to consider exactly what it is I am up against. But you cannot take too long because things get worse fast. And if they don't, those things you have ignored, do. Or something totally off in the wings flies into center stage. Something least expected like the Mayor of a town I don't live in hearing something I didn't say about her in a meeting which was suppose to be private per the bylaws.  I have dedicated today to cleaning up the flat surfaces in my life. Liter...