Sidetracked Charley

Gained five pounds in last few weeks. I gained it because I tried to eat pain away instead of taking pills. Because I don't drink I ate when frustrated with the world today. Definitely ate when tired thinking it would give me more energy. I ate for all the wrong reasons and it is time to get back to conscious eating. I don't diet. Just saying the word makes me gain four pounds. Never tell me I cannot have something I crave. I was bulemic in my youth. I promised a mental health professional I would not diet again. Moderation in all things. And so I don't feel deprived that includes moderation. Feeling deprived is not good. Instead of dieting I try to consciously eat. This last few weeks I forgot that. I was thinking of everything but what I was eating. It cannot be comfort food if it gives you no comfort. So this week I return to being conscious of what I put in my mouth. My default will be hot coffee or hot tea. Maybe even a glass of water before going to the re...

The news is all about the sexual abuse culture of our leaders and "heroes." We sloughed last year reports of the man who would become president grabbing pussy because women let him because he was a star. Or because he had the power to fire them. That is part of the abuse: the power. The power to ruin the life of the abused. I first ran into it while working as a store manager for So Fro fabrics. I was shocked. I quit. Toyed with bringing charges and was discouraged from doing so. Next job I applied for asked why I had quit the previous job. I lied. Something innocent like I wanted a change. I had been told the truth would blacklist me from all future jobs. And in those days companies called about references.  I ultimately landed a great job working for an international construction firm. Their CEO had a reputation which would make Trump, Cosby, and Weinstein look like pussies. My immediate supervisor had somehow gotten the information that I had quit to avoid filing a...

Denial, a refrigerator magnet I own, states is a Goddess-given survival tool. And women have used that survival tool for centuries. It isn't easy to stay in denial about the verbal and physical abuse women have put up with to keep the peace or keep their jobs or stay in a relationship. But there is a cost to keeping the peace. It steals our confidence and our freedom and our aliveness. We stay married to avoid being single or we find living single works best because the men we pick are wrong. We learn to pal up with other women to do things men get to do alone like long walks in the woods.  Some of us quit our jobs we sacrificed so much to get and keep.  I could not live with the compromise of keeping my mouth shut to keep my job. Mother said I was stubborn and had not learned the lesson of keeping silent. I would be happier, she maintained, if I was not so prideful and intelligent. I even toyed with becoming a nun. My aunt told me I could become a boy if I could kiss ...