Sidetracked Charley

Gained five pounds in last few weeks. I gained it because I tried to eat pain away instead of taking pills. Because I don't drink I ate when frustrated with the world today. Definitely ate when tired thinking it would give me more energy. I ate for all the wrong reasons and it is time to get back to conscious eating. I don't diet. Just saying the word makes me gain four pounds. Never tell me I cannot have something I crave. I was bulemic in my youth. I promised a mental health professional I would not diet again. Moderation in all things. And so I don't feel deprived that includes moderation. Feeling deprived is not good. Instead of dieting I try to consciously eat. This last few weeks I forgot that. I was thinking of everything but what I was eating. It cannot be comfort food if it gives you no comfort. So this week I return to being conscious of what I put in my mouth. My default will be hot coffee or hot tea. Maybe even a glass of water before going to the re...

This is my goal Let me say right at the outset of this blog that weight has NEVER been a neutral subject for me. I was born in an era of chubby babies being the healthy ones and I was not chubby. I was a healthy and active youngster with a very good appetite, but following a bout with Scarlet Fever my mother became obsessed with my weight. Or lack of weight. It only got worse when all my peers were getting their figures and I could still get into movies for under 12. I graduated from high school at 85 pounds partly because of what we now call bulimia but I figured was just a nervous stomach. Little did I know when I finally put on weight in college, living in the dorm away from the tensions of my family that Mom would shift gears and do everything to get my weight down. Other kids went home for summer break and got fed. I got starved. For the record let me say my highest weight in college was 130 and I got that under control with my old friend throwing up. This time consciously....