Sidetracked Charley

Bird Painting Practice When things get totally dark I want to go into hiding. I hide in books, and movies, and gardens, and creating. I embrace words, and inks, and plants, and redesigning my house. Things which do not disappoint me. Yesterday I binged the Travelers on Netflix. Before streaming I would binge read. Just outside my bedroom door was a spot of carpet right in front of the wall heater. I would sit in what Dad called my frog position and read from morning to night; from Friday after school until Monday morning when I was told I had to go back to the classroom. And once at school I would sketch characters of the book along the margins of my notebook.  Such behavior got me notes about not using time wisely or not paying attention in class or would achieve more if she applied herself to the task . They just never totally understood my task to which I applied myself very well. It was ignoring the reality of their moment. When life got too stressful I just sought ...

Be Still I want there to be stillness Be calm even if there is no peace. Breathe silently Slowly in and out. Stop the wind Cease the shouting. Do not scream Or shout. Be still. J. Binford-Bell January 2017 I feel as if I have made a cosmic shift. I felt the same 16 years ago. Only then I was hit on the head. This time I feel as if I have been punched in the belly. Really hard. I am having trouble catching my breath. Post traumatic stress disorder my psychologist said then. CBT said my neurologist. Acceptance kept me in balance even when everything in my life was changing. Even friends because I was no longer who I used to be. I tried to act as if I was when I went out among strangers who knew me before. At home I noticed I no longer liked Stephen King. I could only watch action films at home so I could escape to the kitchen when it got too fast. I was far more comfortable with the small screen of my computer as opposed to the panoramic screens of t...