Sidetracked Charley

I am rather down this morning. Am still teary eyed. A friend says fall is a melancholy time. I concede that. And there is surge fatigue. I am still deep in mourning of what was and will never be again. Though I can cast that off for short spells and begin plans on how to proceed into the new normal. I am happy about a couple of the steps that direction. But there seems to be no good news without a dose of bad. Ignoring the news I petted Thicke and began a chat with a gardening friend in another country. A green witch. Talking gardening always cheers me up. As one season ends you can look forward to the promise of the next. I have all my seeds for next year. Or thought I had all my seeds for next year until I found a chocolate cherry sunflower (no not the one above) and had to locate and order the seeds. Gardening is strange in that so much energy is directed to finding what works and concentrating on those like rainbow mix carrots and Swiss Chard, but always looking for the next go...

If I am going to be totally honest with myself I began to grieve for the loss of dreams on the day of Trump's inaugural address. And while we are being totally honest I did not listen to it. I read it. I have never been able to listen to him. The world he described was not one I welcomed. And one I began to fight the minute he was elected. I was mostly worried he would get us in a nuclear war. Instead he got us into a pandemic. One he refuses to admit to. Why do I think he chose this on purpose? If all the old people die he can eliminate SS and Medicare. And if it only happens in Democratic led states he can eliminate opposition to his re-election. All which should make me angry. Instead I just want to cry. Good I am self-isolating because I am crying and very unexpected times. Grief, a friend reminded me, is like that. Can you grieve for four solid years? Or is it a new grief on top of an old grief not yet moved beyond. But I accept this. This is the death of our nation. ...

As one picked to die in this pandemic I want my house and all its contents burned to the ground with me in it. I want the land to go back to as it was before the 1861 homestead act. Let this stand as my last will and testament. Jacqui Binford-Bell My study of plagues and pandemics in the earth's history this sounds best. I have never wanted to live forever. In point of fact I have lived longer than I expected. I have planned to take no extraordinary measures to protect my life beyond my 75th birthday which is still over a year off. I faced my death Christmas Even 2001. I saw myself in the light as I observed my body on the snow below me. I did not fight to return. I was pushed. I thought as I fell from the light, "This is going to hurt." And it did. Still do not know why I had to come back. Surely it was not just to be able to paint and photograph the beauty around me. That said I still feel I have much to offer to the world I live in. I know things which cann...

Life is very complex at this time. Winter is approaching. Decisions are hanging waiting on the result of actions taken this summer like seeds planted for a garden. These are the things I focus on when I attempt to divorce myself from those things over which I have no control. Things like the orange monster in the White Castle on the swamp. As elections ramp up I more and more feel I have no choice. Or certainly that my choice does not matter. We are no longer a representative republic. First there was 2000 and hanging chads and the Supreme Court doing what it constitutionally should not have done. It was a rip off and oddly I felt grateful we did not riot. But we should have rioted. We were cheated. Where would be now on climate change if Gore had been allowed to be president? At least the Democrats should have screamed but they didn't. The DNC didn't help with the Hillary debacle over Bernie. Another rip off. But by then we had been through 9/11 and the election of ...

Ghost Elk The title comes from a Kermit the Frog song about being different, being green. Today in political speak it means being an environmentalist and believing in not using single use plastics among other things. In a way maybe Kermit is a lot like an environmentalist these days. It isn't easy being green. But I have felt like a frog in a shrinking pond much of my life so I should be used to it by not. And if it is me alone, I am comfortable in my own green skin, except for those brief glimpses of myself when I am shocked at what I see. My sister, also a photographer, does not like the image above. She is bothered by the fact so little of it is in focus. Frankly, that is what I love about it. Of 90 photographs I took on a day's adventure out of my safe valley It is among my two favorites. One of eight I chose to pay to have printed on canvas. My printer is also an artist and a friend. She liked it too. We both saw past its lack of technical photographic merits, or la...

Nothing seems to be working as it should be. I certainly hope someone or multiple someones are keeping records in a locked vault should anyone want to start this experiment in democracy over. Supposedly our founding fathers put in adequate protections to keep us safe from a nefarious dictator taking over. But I guess they did not imagine a president and an entire party being in league with a foreign nation out to destroy us from within. And it only took two years of all four branches of the government being in control of one party to make it virtually impossible to rescue us even after losing control of just one branch. The other branches at the direction of the president/dictator are totally blocking anything being done to rescue us. The general population is being kept in fear, sick and poor. It is time for our version of the French Revolution. Roll out the guillotines. I went to a resistance meeting which usually gives me hope and came back super depressed. I spent much ...

Don't separate your life from political resistance. Nadia of Pussy Rant Note: The Russian punk rock group Pussy Rant spent two years in a Russian prison for their resistance to Putin and his government. They are still resisting. From the mouth of babes.  Donald Trump was elected president and I joined the resistance again. I had experience with resistance to Richard Nixon. And to save the mini skirt. Sounds funny now in the same paragraph, but saving the mini skirt was serious. For decades men had told women how to dress. Hems up and down, no white after Labor Day or before Easter. No slacks at school or work. Our protests against Nixon, Watergate, and Kent State were more serious. The peace marches against the illegal Vietnam war and the draft were deadly serious. And behind the marches to save the mini skirt were the fights for the Equal Rights Amendment. It was a very serious time even if Time Magazine made fun of the marchers in mini skirts. And I sometim...

Sunflower I bought a large free-standing umbrella for deck sitting and the days got cold and the winds whipped up. I have not set under the shade of my new red umbrella even once. The deck goes unused. And the flowers I used to gaze upon and photograph have undergone a killing frost. I think I am in mourning for the end of summer but I have been too busy to stop and think about it. My decade long physician retired, and the new doctor does not seem to be able to read my files. It might have been easier for me to have deliberately changed my medical provider, but I was too busy with my dentist to consider that. Genetics have finally caught up with me in the mouth department, which in my humble opinion, takes a toll on my one health issue. Dr. Cohen would have understood that. The new one doesn't except in that he can hold me hostage to more appointments. More visits to doctor and more trips to Questa to see my dentist translates into less deck time. Less lap time for Thicke,...

What If We dissolved both parties? No red states No blue states No electoral college No endless polling? What if There were no Republicans No Democrats Even no third parties No platforms No gang of eight? What if Instead of Red or Blue There was just Red, white and Blue No GOP or DNC Just us citizens? What if  We all voted for the people Not for some party Which has never been fun Or entertaining And in the end a disaster? What if You walked into a voting booth And saw a ballot With just the names of people Who wanted to serve Us Not their party? j.binford-bell  independent on the real Memorial Day May 2017

I think I have always lived my life as a sprint. I grew up fully believing I was going to die at 23. Who knew where I got that. Then I belonged to the generation who was not suppose to trust anyone over thirty. I was diagnosed with a chronic disease with a limited life expectancy in my thirties. And just when I was told I seemed to have defeated it relatives were dying off. Sixty-seven seems to be end of days for the older generation of my family. The ski accident with its closed brain trauma centered my life around today. Life is short. Live it to the max. Do not wait for retirement. Art is great because there are constant new beginnings and endings to your work. And when paintings take too long there is photography. Even my real world job was in industrial construction which has a beginning, middle, and end. So I admit to diving into this resistance battle to save the republic in short terms. I committed to the first 100 days and it has only been 30 plus. And he is not gone. ...

Inspired by the Women's Marches around the world, and sickened by the inaugural I watched in horror as each day in the last week brought our country and our ideals down further. In someways I was going tharned like the rabbits in Watership Down; frozen in the middle of the road staring at the headlights approaching. But I kept on keeping on devoting a small portion of each morning on the computer to research on issues before congress and firing off emails to my representatives. Even making a few calls. I hate calling. Email, personal messaging, chat are invented for me personally. Or at least I believe. But I made calls. Love it when I can leave a message, short and sweet on one issue, and then disconnect. But I was at a loss for words when I got a person when I called my congressman's office. After a pause I recited my script and she chuckled. Silence from me. Then she hastened to add that of course the congressman would vote that way on that issue. But she would make no...