I Love Being Alone



When I was very young I was told repeatedly I was shy. I was always at the edge of play and when given a choice would go to my room and draw or to the fork of the cottonwood in the backyard and read. In school I always got the "does not play well with others" in the notations on the back of the card.

 My sixth grade teacher, Mrs. Hill, was the first to comprehend I did better on my own. When we had school plays or concerts to prepare for I did the scenery or was sent to the office to redecorate all the bulletin boards in the lobby of the school.

 In high school I never went to dances or decorated for them. My participation in school electives was designing the cover for the literary magazine. In physical education I liked gymnastics or modern dance. As an adult I hike with a couple friends with our dogs but not the Trekkers. I liked skiing because I competed with myself. Photography was always there in my life because it was something I could do from the edge of a crowd or all by myself or with another photographer. I like my crowds small. Very small. Two is company and three is a crowd could have been coined by me.

 I do have friends but I prefer limits on numbers and exposure. And most of my closest friends are of the same mind.

 Every once in a while I dip a toe in social waters and come away chilled to the bone. You think at my age I would know better. I really I do. I just get stupid now and then and commit to something I know will leave me bruised and exhausted and full of self-loathing.

 Remind me the next time I agree to be on a committee or board or accept an invitation to a party.

Comments

  1. Ien in the KootenaysOctober 6, 2016 at 12:43 PM

    One of the joys of growing older is being free to choose solitude! Shuddering at the memory of childhood. Recess was the worst. Too bad we did not have a place to retreat to with a book, I would have been fine. As for groups, grin. I like the idea, but suck at the reality. I love the combination of solitude and companionship that the internet makes possible. Come to think of it, in older days correspondence filled much the same niche.

    ReplyDelete

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