Reached My Limit

Bird Painting Practice

 When things get totally dark I want to go into hiding. I hide in books, and movies, and gardens, and creating. I embrace words, and inks, and plants, and redesigning my house. Things which do not disappoint me.

 Yesterday I binged the Travelers on Netflix. Before streaming I would binge read. Just outside my bedroom door was a spot of carpet right in front of the wall heater. I would sit in what Dad called my frog position and read from morning to night; from Friday after school until Monday morning when I was told I had to go back to the classroom. And once at school I would sketch characters of the book along the margins of my notebook. 

 Such behavior got me notes about not using time wisely or not paying attention in class or would achieve more if she applied herself to the task. They just never totally understood my task to which I applied myself very well. It was ignoring the reality of their moment.

 When life got too stressful I just sought other realities. I am great at dismissing time, space, context, and people if they do not meet my expectations. I totally got Alice in Through the Looking Glass when I first read it at 10. I won't admit to how many times I have read it since. In truth I have lost count. I caught my step-daughter reading a book once I am sure she read before.

 "Why are you re-reading it, Kris," I asked.

 "Because the people in it are old friends," she answered.

 "I have books like that," I admitted.

 And television series. After binge watching Travelers I watched the Best of Agatha Christie on Acorn. I watch again and again Midsommer Murders, Longmire, and Sherlock Holmes (any version) because my friends in those behave as I believe people should.

 And being a runs with scissors sort of person while watching these escapes to a reality I wish existed I knit, or paint, or draw remodel plans, or fidget with my plants. I have gotten a lot done this week ignoring the world outside my walls. There are the note cards as just example one. And the orchids are all preparing to bloom. And I think I have the shower addition to the half bath designed in my head. Time to put it to paper.

 So in answer to Mrs. Hill's note that I would achieve more if I applied myself to the task let me say I achieve a lot. But they are my tasks. Not hers. Age has given me the wisdom to know when I have reached my limit on the world for a while. If I retire to my old friends soon enough I can emerge whole quicker.

Comments

Post a Comment

I write for me but I care what my readers think. Please be polite and no scamming.

Popular posts from this blog

Swimming

Image
For much of my college career my fitness workout was swimming on the B squad of the swim team. I remember it as the days before heated pools and women coaches. I also remember being so exhausted and cold I could only lean against the shower wall and throw up. Not exactly warm fuzzy images but I was in awesome shape. Needless to say it did not leave me with a overpowering desire to swim laps. Point of fact for years my swimming became really informal: Swimming to shore after the canoe tipped over, challenging my sister once a summer to across the lake and back, seeing how long I could back float without moving a muscle, and a scuba course. I also played around with other ways of staying fit: aerobics, bicycling, jogging, skiing and dance classes. All of which seem to be bad for the knees, back or feet. After my ski accident my physical therapist steered me back to the pool. Damn if I was going to swim laps! However, aqua fit was just getting rather seriously taken so I took it. It r
Read more

The Pruning the Crown of Thorns

Image
Crown of Thorns Before I am a lover of Euphorbias . They are from the deserts of Southern Africa and Madagascar. They have evolved physical characteristics and forms similar to cacti of North and South America and are often incorrectly referred to as cacti. My big Crown of Thorns was one of my first of a growing collection of these succulents from the spurge family of Euphorbiaceae. I picked it up as a 6 inch plant in a New Iberia nursery when my sister and I were touring the northern gulf coast. I believe that was 15 years ago. I made an attempt at limiting its height a few years back to allow it to devote more energy to the new branches and make it a denser plant. That failed. And the height of the plant continued to challenge the window space and soon the long branches were leaning over and leaning against the window. I googled and found the proper way to prune this treasured plant. Still it was very difficult to cut off the four longer branches. Even with a plan. The f
Read more

Polyethylene Packaging - a Dark Times Journal entry

Image
I was in the fourth grade when our family moved from El Paso, Texas to Albuquerque, New Mexico. We moved because I could not breathe the air there. I want to say they cracked petroleum there. But what did I know beyond the sky was sometimes yellow and I could not breathe. Mom was pregnant with Debbie, and Gary and I rode in the backseat separated by a round tank full of Dad's tropical fish. Dad had a job with Sealright, Inc which made paper milk cartons. Sealright was a polyethylene packing subsidiary of Phillips 66. The petroleum company. I was rather proud of myself for learning to say that, and to not laugh when adults would stare at me not knowing what to ask about that. Albuquerque smelled better. Then. Before all the freeways were built and the shape of the valley trapped the exhaust down near the ground in the winter months. We lived in the foothills. I could breathe. I learned that if I could see the air I could not. Still it was better than El Paso though I missed our trip
Read more