If Food Was Just Food



Gained five pounds in last few weeks. I gained it because I tried to eat pain away instead of taking pills. Because I don't drink I ate when frustrated with the world today. Definitely ate when tired thinking it would give me more energy. I ate for all the wrong reasons and it is time to get back to conscious eating.

 I don't diet. Just saying the word makes me gain four pounds. Never tell me I cannot have something I crave. I was bulemic in my youth. I promised a mental health professional I would not diet again. Moderation in all things. And so I don't feel deprived that includes moderation. Feeling deprived is not good.

 Instead of dieting I try to consciously eat. This last few weeks I forgot that. I was thinking of everything but what I was eating. It cannot be comfort food if it gives you no comfort.

 So this week I return to being conscious of what I put in my mouth. My default will be hot coffee or hot tea. Maybe even a glass of water before going to the refrigerator for a food item. Wish me luck. My shoulder still hurts. Politics still makes me very angry. And the five pounds I gained makes me more frustrated. 

 And then there is all the unearthed memories. My eating issues began after I was molested by my cousin. The summer he was allowed to come and stay at our house even when I asked my mother to not let him. I had to stuff my feelings of fear and I stuffed my mouth with food along with it.

Comments

  1. Ien in the KootenaysOctober 5, 2018 at 9:56 AM

    OMG. So sorry to hear that about the abuse and the bulimia. I love your concept of conscious eating instead of dieting. Thanks for that. I will try to remember it as the season of weight gain begins!

    ReplyDelete

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